Well I just labelled dh's bottle so we know noone will get confused lol. Up and at em early tomorrow to get this thing done! Woohoo!
Tonight dh and I were at walmart getting a card and printing some pics of Gypsy off. (The card is for the lady who we are adopting Gypsy from. I'm writing her a letter from 'Gypsy", and putting a couple cute pic's in the envelope.). During our card search I started getting cramps and weird feelings in my abdomin. I whispered to david that I had started feeling different. Sometime between Walmart and home I got a heavy feeling and it's not gone away since... I am rather bloaty as well. I'm guessing this is all normal, so tomorrow will go smoothly. I have an abnormal amount of cm, I know tmi... but I figure this is part of ovulation ect.
Man I hope this works out.
On the way home I had 'a moment of clarity'... I actually for the very first time clued in that this might actually work... like really work... this may get me pregnant... what an odd perspective to take LOL. You get so used to trying this drug and trying that drug, and never actually expect it to work... well I took the same attitude this time as well... until my little 'momment'this evening. It was just such an odd feeling to think so drastically different hehe.
We'll see I guess! We'll see! 2ww, here I come!
I'll post about my iui experience at some point tomorrow night.
We get our little Gypsy tomorrow!!! We got her a couple toys, and her food/water dishes. I called the lady and setup the apointment for 3:30pm. It's going to be an emtoional roller-coaster tomorrow lol. But it'll be a really good day. I'm going to get to bed so it gets here faster. (I feel like a little kid at Christmas right now lol).
so Take care everyone and thanks again for the messages!
XOXO
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
An Eventful day for sure!! wow
Hi there.
So today I went for cd16 blood work, and I begged to question the hcg shot. I said that I didn't want to 'miss my chance' on this cycle and normally around this day they give the hcg shot. She said my numbers were looking good, and asked if I was sure I didn't want to see what my natural cycle was like. I said no, I want to have a good chance while the chance is there. So they gave me an u/s while I was there as well, my folly is at 25mm!!! I was like holy cow!! They said yes, you can have the shot if your lh surge hasn't occured, we'll call today to let you know. So I got my call, no LH surge, so here I go with the injection.
The injection here costs $95, David's insurance company said they don't cover anything for fertility. I went to get my perscription and asked her to run the card anyways just to check. The pharmacist said she could almost guarentee they wouldn't cover it if they said that; as ovidrel is used for fertility spesifically. She asked if I really wanted to run it because it would take an extra few minutes. I said yes please... thank God I did because it was the easiest 2 minutes of my life! We saved $95, it actually covered it!!! Yes I jumped up and down and twirled around with a little jig right there... of course everyone laughed but they were happy and so was David!!
So, 10-10:15 came along and man was I freaked out. I'm home alone and need to shoot up with this stuff, not having any experience like this I bucked up and did exactly what the nurse at the dr's office told me to do. Ignore the directions and do what she said, so I did LOL. Where I injected it is tender, but other than that I feel fine! Although I question the hot flash I'm going through it could be the shot, but I dunno. I've got the fan on so I'm good, lol.
Sooooooo. So we go on friday morning to get our very first IUI!! 9:45am! Í am so relieved to know when it's going to happen!! I can't even put it into words hehe.
There's more to my day! So the Dr finally reviewed my cd3 blood work and found that my TSH and 3T4 blood workups were ellivated, which could mean a thiroid problem... which could explain a lot!! So I go tomorrow and get those tests re-done. If this IUI doesn't work, at least I'll have something to keep my mind busy lol. I am happy that they may be able to pinpoint my issue though, specially if the IUI doesn't work.
~~~~~~~~
Okay, so I've found that my nerves and emotions are running rampid. I feel like I've been on speed (although I've never done the drug, so I'm not saying this first hand lol). I feel like I'm going 100000 miles a minute. I have many many super energy busts throughout the day. I am all up and down with the emotions, and my brain is working overtime. I have moments where I am totally stressed out! Like to the point of having a panic attack, and it seems to be getting more intense daily. I'm guessing that's the estrogen LOL. Then I get all hyper and happy the next minute. I feel so screwed up in my head. I am totally not the normal 'calm' Jenn. I have to take deep breaths and calm myself down... I guess I'm doing the best I can for myself. At least by the time I am prego I'll be used to the ups and downs, and I'll be able to deal with them better lol.
~~~~~~~~~
So David is stressed out! I haven't actually seen him this stressed ever. Now this time of year has always been hard for him, he lost a very important person when he was a child (theresa, she taught him to read, she was a student teacher when he was a child and she passed away during the time she was teaching him. Every year he gets sad at this time). But now the normal blues coupled with his mother's passing is stressing him out too. This time last year is when she got really really sick and started the last bit of her journey, so its hard for everyone, specially his father, brother and himself. Jan 17th will be the one year anniversary of her death. He's reliving his fathers accident as well, being a parapoligic (sp) and getting through that. Now all that would have been easier to deal with if we didn't have all the stress of the IUI. But we are both very greatful for this stress, because really its the good kind... really LOL. But I think it's just compounding because we've been waiting for the IUI date. Now that we know it, things will calm down a bit (we hope). I feel bad because I can't do anything accept tell him we'll be successful at one point and to try and take deep breaths.
So we started joking around about the sperm wash ect, changing lyrics from the song car wash"to "sperm wash"lol. It's our new theme song lol. So at lesst we're still smiling.:) I hope he's okay at work tonight. I honestly never thought that he would get tis stressed about the IUI, but we have never been through it before so its all new to us both.
The nurse said today that IUI's are stressful and with what we've been through with the other two dr's, she totally understand where we're coming from... its good to hear that from them. at least we know they understand.
Oooohhh so many thoughts and the time is late and I am freakin tired. I should goto bed as the next couple days are going to be busy. so take care and thankyou very much for your words of encouragement, they mean soooooo much right now!
XOXO
So today I went for cd16 blood work, and I begged to question the hcg shot. I said that I didn't want to 'miss my chance' on this cycle and normally around this day they give the hcg shot. She said my numbers were looking good, and asked if I was sure I didn't want to see what my natural cycle was like. I said no, I want to have a good chance while the chance is there. So they gave me an u/s while I was there as well, my folly is at 25mm!!! I was like holy cow!! They said yes, you can have the shot if your lh surge hasn't occured, we'll call today to let you know. So I got my call, no LH surge, so here I go with the injection.
The injection here costs $95, David's insurance company said they don't cover anything for fertility. I went to get my perscription and asked her to run the card anyways just to check. The pharmacist said she could almost guarentee they wouldn't cover it if they said that; as ovidrel is used for fertility spesifically. She asked if I really wanted to run it because it would take an extra few minutes. I said yes please... thank God I did because it was the easiest 2 minutes of my life! We saved $95, it actually covered it!!! Yes I jumped up and down and twirled around with a little jig right there... of course everyone laughed but they were happy and so was David!!
So, 10-10:15 came along and man was I freaked out. I'm home alone and need to shoot up with this stuff, not having any experience like this I bucked up and did exactly what the nurse at the dr's office told me to do. Ignore the directions and do what she said, so I did LOL. Where I injected it is tender, but other than that I feel fine! Although I question the hot flash I'm going through it could be the shot, but I dunno. I've got the fan on so I'm good, lol.
Sooooooo. So we go on friday morning to get our very first IUI!! 9:45am! Í am so relieved to know when it's going to happen!! I can't even put it into words hehe.
There's more to my day! So the Dr finally reviewed my cd3 blood work and found that my TSH and 3T4 blood workups were ellivated, which could mean a thiroid problem... which could explain a lot!! So I go tomorrow and get those tests re-done. If this IUI doesn't work, at least I'll have something to keep my mind busy lol. I am happy that they may be able to pinpoint my issue though, specially if the IUI doesn't work.
~~~~~~~~
Okay, so I've found that my nerves and emotions are running rampid. I feel like I've been on speed (although I've never done the drug, so I'm not saying this first hand lol). I feel like I'm going 100000 miles a minute. I have many many super energy busts throughout the day. I am all up and down with the emotions, and my brain is working overtime. I have moments where I am totally stressed out! Like to the point of having a panic attack, and it seems to be getting more intense daily. I'm guessing that's the estrogen LOL. Then I get all hyper and happy the next minute. I feel so screwed up in my head. I am totally not the normal 'calm' Jenn. I have to take deep breaths and calm myself down... I guess I'm doing the best I can for myself. At least by the time I am prego I'll be used to the ups and downs, and I'll be able to deal with them better lol.
~~~~~~~~~
So David is stressed out! I haven't actually seen him this stressed ever. Now this time of year has always been hard for him, he lost a very important person when he was a child (theresa, she taught him to read, she was a student teacher when he was a child and she passed away during the time she was teaching him. Every year he gets sad at this time). But now the normal blues coupled with his mother's passing is stressing him out too. This time last year is when she got really really sick and started the last bit of her journey, so its hard for everyone, specially his father, brother and himself. Jan 17th will be the one year anniversary of her death. He's reliving his fathers accident as well, being a parapoligic (sp) and getting through that. Now all that would have been easier to deal with if we didn't have all the stress of the IUI. But we are both very greatful for this stress, because really its the good kind... really LOL. But I think it's just compounding because we've been waiting for the IUI date. Now that we know it, things will calm down a bit (we hope). I feel bad because I can't do anything accept tell him we'll be successful at one point and to try and take deep breaths.
So we started joking around about the sperm wash ect, changing lyrics from the song car wash"to "sperm wash"lol. It's our new theme song lol. So at lesst we're still smiling.:) I hope he's okay at work tonight. I honestly never thought that he would get tis stressed about the IUI, but we have never been through it before so its all new to us both.
The nurse said today that IUI's are stressful and with what we've been through with the other two dr's, she totally understand where we're coming from... its good to hear that from them. at least we know they understand.
Oooohhh so many thoughts and the time is late and I am freakin tired. I should goto bed as the next couple days are going to be busy. so take care and thankyou very much for your words of encouragement, they mean soooooo much right now!
XOXO
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
CD15 experience...
Today is day 15. Had more blood work done, apparently no LH surge yet as I didn't get the call for IUI tomorrow... so I go back for more blood work. Here were my levels.
One folly -RO = 16mm, cd13
E2 levels = cd11 - 123, cd13 - 325, cd14 - 469
LH levels = cd11 - 10.8, cd13 - 6.1, cd14 - 5.7
Now, seeing as this is my first IUI, I have a few questions for those with experience... why is LH dropping and E2 rising... anyone else with numbers like this? Is this normal? I am waiting for my surge, and am worried it won't happen as today is cd15, tomorrow cd16. I don't want to miss out on the window of taking an hcg injection, the nurse said they don't normally give it first time out anyways... but I'm still asking for it tomorrow if my numbers still show no surge... first IUI or not, this is the closest I've ever come to getting pregnant lol.
Hormonal Experience:
Today they took 5 viles of blood - said it was for testing for hiv ect. I let her take it of course, apparently its law. So then I leave the office and am driving to work and my brain starts working with the hormones going through my body and I went into a full blown panic attack by the time I got to work. I called David and told him he needed to go get his blood taken for the tests; he knew I was upset so he went straight to the dr's office. He talked to the nurse and asked why we had to take the test, advised that I was a little upset and worried and explained why (due to the history of diapointment after disapointment with ttc). He knew I was worried that there was something wrong and that's why they were taking these tests (although I know I don't have HIV or aids, or anything to worry about that way). Its funny, even just the mention of the possibility really makes you think. Anyways, so the nurse explained to Dave about the tests, and he called me at work to let me know everything was okay. I laugh now, but it really wasn't funny earlier. after thinking about things, coupled with my hormones, I had gotten myself all worked up. She was apologetic with David and said I can ask her anything and she'll give me her best educated answer! I feel better now, but man; hormones suck LOL. Tomorrow is gunna be embarassing when I go to get my blood drawn. lol, awww well!
I hope I get my surge soon, I really don't want to lose my opportunity for this cycle.
Hoping for my surge,
TTYL
XOXO
One folly -RO = 16mm, cd13
E2 levels = cd11 - 123, cd13 - 325, cd14 - 469
LH levels = cd11 - 10.8, cd13 - 6.1, cd14 - 5.7
Now, seeing as this is my first IUI, I have a few questions for those with experience... why is LH dropping and E2 rising... anyone else with numbers like this? Is this normal? I am waiting for my surge, and am worried it won't happen as today is cd15, tomorrow cd16. I don't want to miss out on the window of taking an hcg injection, the nurse said they don't normally give it first time out anyways... but I'm still asking for it tomorrow if my numbers still show no surge... first IUI or not, this is the closest I've ever come to getting pregnant lol.
Hormonal Experience:
Today they took 5 viles of blood - said it was for testing for hiv ect. I let her take it of course, apparently its law. So then I leave the office and am driving to work and my brain starts working with the hormones going through my body and I went into a full blown panic attack by the time I got to work. I called David and told him he needed to go get his blood taken for the tests; he knew I was upset so he went straight to the dr's office. He talked to the nurse and asked why we had to take the test, advised that I was a little upset and worried and explained why (due to the history of diapointment after disapointment with ttc). He knew I was worried that there was something wrong and that's why they were taking these tests (although I know I don't have HIV or aids, or anything to worry about that way). Its funny, even just the mention of the possibility really makes you think. Anyways, so the nurse explained to Dave about the tests, and he called me at work to let me know everything was okay. I laugh now, but it really wasn't funny earlier. after thinking about things, coupled with my hormones, I had gotten myself all worked up. She was apologetic with David and said I can ask her anything and she'll give me her best educated answer! I feel better now, but man; hormones suck LOL. Tomorrow is gunna be embarassing when I go to get my blood drawn. lol, awww well!
I hope I get my surge soon, I really don't want to lose my opportunity for this cycle.
Hoping for my surge,
TTYL
XOXO
Monday, November 26, 2007
cd14, more blood, my arms are sore!
So they took more blood today. Yesterdays blood readings were right on score! She was happy with that. Hoping that todays blood work keeps doing the same. I have been taking my temp in the morning as well, it seems to be between 96.6-96.8 f. My left arm just kills when she takes the blood out now, so I'm gunna get her to try the right arm again... see if it'll give blood as it didn't the last time she tried.
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, it was a doomed day fom the beginning lol. I found out it will cost $1300 to fix my car (thank the vehicle God's we have the van), mum's surgery is set for dec 11th... it's a scope to remove the cancer in her left lung (third operation). The we worry about the right lung. Our family xmas dinner is the 22nd of dec, I hope she's at least well enough to come for dinner... she talks so negativley about the operation, I am trying to reassure her that a scope is a lot less invasive than what she's been through. But I can only do so much, it's just hard to hear her talk the way she does. I'll be seeing her after work tomorrow, gunna spend a little time with her and grab the crate for the puppy, and she wanted to buy Gypsy her little doggy bed, so we're gunna go do that. I'll have to stop by friday with gypsy so she can see her... we have a lot of stops to make on friday after we get her lol. She's gunna be a much loved puppy. :)
Well tomorrow is going to be a better day, I just know it. I'll wake up on the right side of the bed and everything. I hope to get the commission on a big sale I had at work a month ago, and hope to get the confirm of another big sale tomorrow as well, so we'll see. It would be good for xmas gifts and such.
Looks like we'll be doing some car shopping over the next little while. Man we always have so much going on lol. At least life isn't dull right?
Well, take care for now all.
XOXO
P.s. below I've added an updated pic of my Gypsy girl...
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, it was a doomed day fom the beginning lol. I found out it will cost $1300 to fix my car (thank the vehicle God's we have the van), mum's surgery is set for dec 11th... it's a scope to remove the cancer in her left lung (third operation). The we worry about the right lung. Our family xmas dinner is the 22nd of dec, I hope she's at least well enough to come for dinner... she talks so negativley about the operation, I am trying to reassure her that a scope is a lot less invasive than what she's been through. But I can only do so much, it's just hard to hear her talk the way she does. I'll be seeing her after work tomorrow, gunna spend a little time with her and grab the crate for the puppy, and she wanted to buy Gypsy her little doggy bed, so we're gunna go do that. I'll have to stop by friday with gypsy so she can see her... we have a lot of stops to make on friday after we get her lol. She's gunna be a much loved puppy. :)
Well tomorrow is going to be a better day, I just know it. I'll wake up on the right side of the bed and everything. I hope to get the commission on a big sale I had at work a month ago, and hope to get the confirm of another big sale tomorrow as well, so we'll see. It would be good for xmas gifts and such.
Looks like we'll be doing some car shopping over the next little while. Man we always have so much going on lol. At least life isn't dull right?
Well, take care for now all.
XOXO
P.s. below I've added an updated pic of my Gypsy girl...
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Day 13 monitor... and random ttc thoughts
Today I went in for day 13 monitoring, blood work and u/s. My little follie has grown to 16mm!!!!!!! My lining is 7.7!! We now await the LH surge...
Not that we're not extatic about the results today, but now I'm worried about surging and timing... one thing after another lol.
More blood work tomorrow, daily monitoring now. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. I am also dreading a the 2ww, aww well, we'll have the puppy to keep us busy. I just keep reminding myself that I'm thinking to far ahead, just one step at a time Jenn, no need to think about anything but the surge right now.
David and I had a really nice chat on the way to my brothers new place this weekend about what we're going through, and all the what if's we could think of. He says we'll just keep trying if it fails, and if its successful than that's really great. We talked about his mother and how we both wished she was still here so we could get her excited about our chances, ect. We cried. We talked about if it didn't work the first time and what we'de be like after if this doesn/doesn't work. He's already starting talking to the folly, (so have I, but shhh don't tell anyone LOL). I kinda wish he wouldn't cause I can't help but wonder what I'll be able to do with him or myself if it doesn't at least eventually work. I can handles my own reaction, but helping him through....Ooooooh so many thoughts and worries. But ya know what I'm greatful for? The chance to actually go through this, cause we never thought it was ever going to happen, or that we'd find a Dr that was so willing to help. I am also very greatful and lucky to have such a great hubby.
Our friends have been very supportive, as well as family. Everyone knows we're trying, as its our main goal... everyone's been great, I'm greatful for our loving friends and family.
The girls came on my bday weekend and helped to paint the 'spare room'. I finished the stripes tonight. My friend lent me her carpet cleaner so I'm going to take full advantage of it and clean the carpet in there tomorrow as well. Some of the white paint lines in between my colored ones chipped off when I removed the tape, so that has to be touched up in 3 spots, but other than that and the baseboards/window frame, the painting is almost done. It'll make a really pretty guest rm until the day comes that we do have a baby. At least now we have a nice place for the nieces and nephew to sleep when they stay as well.
Last night I had a dream that we went through the iui and the pregnancy test came back positive... lets hope that dream was prophetic lol.
Well I'm off to bed for the night, I have an early morning to see the vampy at the clinic tomorrow lol... Take care all.
XOXO
Not that we're not extatic about the results today, but now I'm worried about surging and timing... one thing after another lol.
More blood work tomorrow, daily monitoring now. I'm excited and nervous all at the same time. I am also dreading a the 2ww, aww well, we'll have the puppy to keep us busy. I just keep reminding myself that I'm thinking to far ahead, just one step at a time Jenn, no need to think about anything but the surge right now.
David and I had a really nice chat on the way to my brothers new place this weekend about what we're going through, and all the what if's we could think of. He says we'll just keep trying if it fails, and if its successful than that's really great. We talked about his mother and how we both wished she was still here so we could get her excited about our chances, ect. We cried. We talked about if it didn't work the first time and what we'de be like after if this doesn/doesn't work. He's already starting talking to the folly, (so have I, but shhh don't tell anyone LOL). I kinda wish he wouldn't cause I can't help but wonder what I'll be able to do with him or myself if it doesn't at least eventually work. I can handles my own reaction, but helping him through....Ooooooh so many thoughts and worries. But ya know what I'm greatful for? The chance to actually go through this, cause we never thought it was ever going to happen, or that we'd find a Dr that was so willing to help. I am also very greatful and lucky to have such a great hubby.
Our friends have been very supportive, as well as family. Everyone knows we're trying, as its our main goal... everyone's been great, I'm greatful for our loving friends and family.
The girls came on my bday weekend and helped to paint the 'spare room'. I finished the stripes tonight. My friend lent me her carpet cleaner so I'm going to take full advantage of it and clean the carpet in there tomorrow as well. Some of the white paint lines in between my colored ones chipped off when I removed the tape, so that has to be touched up in 3 spots, but other than that and the baseboards/window frame, the painting is almost done. It'll make a really pretty guest rm until the day comes that we do have a baby. At least now we have a nice place for the nieces and nephew to sleep when they stay as well.
Last night I had a dream that we went through the iui and the pregnancy test came back positive... lets hope that dream was prophetic lol.
Well I'm off to bed for the night, I have an early morning to see the vampy at the clinic tomorrow lol... Take care all.
XOXO
Thursday, November 22, 2007
cd 10 experience...
Today I went for my cd10 monitoring... it was my first time. They tried drawing blood from the same arm as my day 3 blood work, and it didn't happen lol. So we got it from the other one, now I know why we have two arms instead of just one... lol.
I also had my first internal u/s... ya, that wasn't so bad, she was a good technician, I was surprised when I found out it was internal though lol. I have no abnormalities, and everything looks good, I have a number of smaller follies, but only one was 11mm.... BUT YAY ITS ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Grow little folly grow!! I go back sunday for more blood work and another u/s, hoping to get inseminated monday/tuesday. I asked about the HCG shot, she said they don't normally do it the first cycle of IUI, but she says ya never know. We'll know more about it on sunday.
My worries are that the folly won't grow... and it won't produce an egg... this is my present fear. But I am hoping it works out and we get to go ahead with everything. YAAAAAY!
K, that's my news!
XOXO
I also had my first internal u/s... ya, that wasn't so bad, she was a good technician, I was surprised when I found out it was internal though lol. I have no abnormalities, and everything looks good, I have a number of smaller follies, but only one was 11mm.... BUT YAY ITS ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Grow little folly grow!! I go back sunday for more blood work and another u/s, hoping to get inseminated monday/tuesday. I asked about the HCG shot, she said they don't normally do it the first cycle of IUI, but she says ya never know. We'll know more about it on sunday.
My worries are that the folly won't grow... and it won't produce an egg... this is my present fear. But I am hoping it works out and we get to go ahead with everything. YAAAAAY!
K, that's my news!
XOXO
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Drug induced periods suck!
And without going into much detail... I went to work today for 1.5 hours and had to come home. Argh! Pain, unblelievable... although I did call the Dr's office and I go for blood work and U/S next thursday to start monitoring... I'm nervous and am trying not to get excited. It's so hard to not get excited. I don't want to fall hard if this doesn't work out on the first shot.
I am going to go eat something as I can't eat after 11pm for my blood work in the morning. Take care all!
I am going to go eat something as I can't eat after 11pm for my blood work in the morning. Take care all!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
WooHoo!
It starts! I go for blood work thursday and start taking femara that day as well, and the ball keeps rolling! I knew there had to be a reason why I was so flippy yesterday lol. Yay happy news! David doesn't know yet as I haven't seen him today because our shifts are screwed because of his 12 hr shifts, so I'm bummed about that, specially now... I wanna tell him so bad. He's gunna be so happy :). Wish me luck ladies! I pray that femara works...
TTYL
TTYL
Monday, November 12, 2007
Warning: AF Rant.
Okay, so I'm going mental here... I can't stand waiting to get this started! Frig sakes! How long do I have to wait??? Friggin AF shows up every other time we don't want her to! Foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooock. I'm about ready to flip out here... actually I think I am flipping out. I don't get it... I really don't. I just want to try this thing by the end of the month. I'de LOVE to have the possibility of getting a BFP by Xmas... even if it fails, I AT LEAST want a shot at this by the end of the month. FRIG.
Now I'm looking at my femara pills wondering if I'll EVER get to take them. And if I do, is the dose high enough to actually make me O? I guess I'm just having an emotional night or something, but I've about had enough of waiting. I have been waiting for 6 friggin years to get this close to our dream... WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT EVEN LONGER? And it's not like I'm waiting to test for pregnancy... what's making me crazy is I'm waiting for AF!! Is this some sick joke? Gawd!!
I was walking through the dollar store today of all places, seen the baby stuff coupled with the christmas stuff and had to choke back tears! How sad is that? THE DOLLAR STORE! Gee, you can tell your obsessing when... so that made me angry that i couldn't even enjoy the xmas stuff.
I could go on and on, but I won't. I'm gunna head off for the night. ttyl
Now I'm looking at my femara pills wondering if I'll EVER get to take them. And if I do, is the dose high enough to actually make me O? I guess I'm just having an emotional night or something, but I've about had enough of waiting. I have been waiting for 6 friggin years to get this close to our dream... WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT EVEN LONGER? And it's not like I'm waiting to test for pregnancy... what's making me crazy is I'm waiting for AF!! Is this some sick joke? Gawd!!
I was walking through the dollar store today of all places, seen the baby stuff coupled with the christmas stuff and had to choke back tears! How sad is that? THE DOLLAR STORE! Gee, you can tell your obsessing when... so that made me angry that i couldn't even enjoy the xmas stuff.
I could go on and on, but I won't. I'm gunna head off for the night. ttyl
Empty Arms
So I was just going through one of my message boards and some posted a link to tearsandhope.com , and advised us to click on "Empty Arms". I did and wanted to share as I want to send this to everyone I know, but feel guilty for sending it... but every word of it is so true. I cried through the entire thing. They did a great job getting the message across about infertility. So share it if you'd like...
Yep, still waiting..
I'm still waiting for AF...
Had a good weekend. Got to see our puppy, she's doing good and had lots of kisses for her mommy *grins*. I can't wait to get her home.
DH and I also got some things for the house like plastic for the windows for the winter, some protective spray for our dining rm table set, it's mostly done but I ran out of paint so I'll pick more up this week to finish it off. I'll post a pick to show ya's how it looks.
It's my bday coming up this sunday. I got a gift from a friend early, its a cute gift. A wish book, you write your wish in it and apparently the book has a spell on it to make the wish come true. lol She smiled at me and said "I figured you could use that right about now!" we laughed. Its cool lol.
I'm having some friends over to paint the guest/nursery rm this friday, then off to karaoke. It'll be nice to have my close friends around. I'll be 32 so its kinda depressing.
All I really want for my birthday is to get this damn ball rolling, grrrrrr. Come on birthday faries... make my wish come true.
Take care for now ladies!
Had a good weekend. Got to see our puppy, she's doing good and had lots of kisses for her mommy *grins*. I can't wait to get her home.
DH and I also got some things for the house like plastic for the windows for the winter, some protective spray for our dining rm table set, it's mostly done but I ran out of paint so I'll pick more up this week to finish it off. I'll post a pick to show ya's how it looks.
It's my bday coming up this sunday. I got a gift from a friend early, its a cute gift. A wish book, you write your wish in it and apparently the book has a spell on it to make the wish come true. lol She smiled at me and said "I figured you could use that right about now!" we laughed. Its cool lol.
I'm having some friends over to paint the guest/nursery rm this friday, then off to karaoke. It'll be nice to have my close friends around. I'll be 32 so its kinda depressing.
All I really want for my birthday is to get this damn ball rolling, grrrrrr. Come on birthday faries... make my wish come true.
Take care for now ladies!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
soooo...
I did some checking and it looks like provera can take upto 2 weeks before it kicks in *grumble grumble*.
On to better things...
David and I watched Mr. Brooks tonight, excellent movie! Two thumbs up from both of u! Should definatley check it out if you haven't already.
Well, I think that's all that's new...
Oh wait! I GOT A $1 raise at work!!! Yay me! lol. They said it was because I'm consitant and am always keeping things positive and helping everyone else stay positive. Its nice to be recognized for hard work for a change. I unfortunately can't post this anywhere else as people from work are attatched to my facebook and such, and it may cause some not so positive feelings lol. But I am happy, it feels good. I've never gotten that much of a raise before.
Well, I'm off for a hot shower to relax my nerves. Take care ya'll!
On to better things...
David and I watched Mr. Brooks tonight, excellent movie! Two thumbs up from both of u! Should definatley check it out if you haven't already.
Well, I think that's all that's new...
Oh wait! I GOT A $1 raise at work!!! Yay me! lol. They said it was because I'm consitant and am always keeping things positive and helping everyone else stay positive. Its nice to be recognized for hard work for a change. I unfortunately can't post this anywhere else as people from work are attatched to my facebook and such, and it may cause some not so positive feelings lol. But I am happy, it feels good. I've never gotten that much of a raise before.
Well, I'm off for a hot shower to relax my nerves. Take care ya'll!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
still waiting...
And that's all I have to say about that! GRRRRRRRRRRRR (I am truly dispointed thus far).
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Thankyou kindly ladies for the links and support. I appreciate it!
Today I am feeling a little angry because my period hasn't come yet and I have no more provera to take, I hope AF shows soon... now there's something you don't hear very often. I am anxiously waiting to get thisjourney started... AND SHE ISN'T HERE YET! GRRRR! I'm looking at the callender and I want to be able to test prior to my family xmas on dec 22nd, but if AF don't show up in the next week I don't think that'll happen... I have that little glimmer of hope that we'll be able to make the 'big announcement'... we may not be able too, but still I can hope. Our families deserve a good christmas wish, we've all been thru our own hell with deaths and accidents and illnesses... we're due for some really GREAT news.
Speaking of which, we get our new puppy on december 1st, although I may try to talk her into letting us bring her home the night prior so we have the entire weekend with her before we start the work schedule. Anyways, i've included a pic of her...
The lady we're buying her from posted it on her facebook and the caption said 'Look at Gypsy waving at her mommy"or something like that, so I thought it was extra special cause I'll be her new mommy lol.
Today I am feeling a little angry because my period hasn't come yet and I have no more provera to take, I hope AF shows soon... now there's something you don't hear very often. I am anxiously waiting to get thisjourney started... AND SHE ISN'T HERE YET! GRRRR! I'm looking at the callender and I want to be able to test prior to my family xmas on dec 22nd, but if AF don't show up in the next week I don't think that'll happen... I have that little glimmer of hope that we'll be able to make the 'big announcement'... we may not be able too, but still I can hope. Our families deserve a good christmas wish, we've all been thru our own hell with deaths and accidents and illnesses... we're due for some really GREAT news.
Speaking of which, we get our new puppy on december 1st, although I may try to talk her into letting us bring her home the night prior so we have the entire weekend with her before we start the work schedule. Anyways, i've included a pic of her...
The lady we're buying her from posted it on her facebook and the caption said 'Look at Gypsy waving at her mommy"or something like that, so I thought it was extra special cause I'll be her new mommy lol.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
fear and anxiety
Well, the fear and anxiety are already starting, so is the negativity.
Fear & Anxiety = I'm afraid the the entire experience, or embarassed might be a better word. I am still waiting for AF to show, I am on day 4 with provera, hoping it'll kick in so I can get started then get the embarassing part over with. I also don't know if any of this is going to hurt, what side effects I'm going to have, and how I'm going to stay emotionally/mentally with it for the 2ww if all the numbers are good...
I have scowered google looking or online chats and personal experiences with IUI's... how the women who have been thru it felt during the entire experience but haven't found all that much so I'm dispointed... I'm probably not searching the right way. If you have any links, or suggestions for me please let me know.
Fertilizeme, reading your posts have helped a lot, so thanx for that!
I have joined a half a dozen new message boards, but am still not finding actual experiences, just successes and failures. That info is good to know, but I want to read about personal experiences, I am one of those people who need to know what to expect... I'm freaking out a little... nerves are all frigged up. I need to find people who have been on familiar ground...
I'm so scared of failure, so much failure in the last 6 yrs that it seems so inevitable... even now with my chances of becoming pregnant increasing by 13.5%. It's hard to stay positive when you don't want to work yourself up for 'the failure'at the end... but I want to anjoy the experience and take in every moment (I guess I am LOL). I want to be happy, and sometimes when I think about it... and that it may actually work I get a moment of bliss, then the negative thoughts start creeping in again.
I just really need to connect with other women who have been thru an IUI before... I know the proceedure isn't that big of a deal really, mostly embarassment, but still... what does it feel like? Does it hurt? What was femara like? How did ya get thru the 2ww. I guess I'll continue on looking for posts and such...
Nervously yours,
my.herstory
Fear & Anxiety = I'm afraid the the entire experience, or embarassed might be a better word. I am still waiting for AF to show, I am on day 4 with provera, hoping it'll kick in so I can get started then get the embarassing part over with. I also don't know if any of this is going to hurt, what side effects I'm going to have, and how I'm going to stay emotionally/mentally with it for the 2ww if all the numbers are good...
I have scowered google looking or online chats and personal experiences with IUI's... how the women who have been thru it felt during the entire experience but haven't found all that much so I'm dispointed... I'm probably not searching the right way. If you have any links, or suggestions for me please let me know.
Fertilizeme, reading your posts have helped a lot, so thanx for that!
I have joined a half a dozen new message boards, but am still not finding actual experiences, just successes and failures. That info is good to know, but I want to read about personal experiences, I am one of those people who need to know what to expect... I'm freaking out a little... nerves are all frigged up. I need to find people who have been on familiar ground...
I'm so scared of failure, so much failure in the last 6 yrs that it seems so inevitable... even now with my chances of becoming pregnant increasing by 13.5%. It's hard to stay positive when you don't want to work yourself up for 'the failure'at the end... but I want to anjoy the experience and take in every moment (I guess I am LOL). I want to be happy, and sometimes when I think about it... and that it may actually work I get a moment of bliss, then the negative thoughts start creeping in again.
I just really need to connect with other women who have been thru an IUI before... I know the proceedure isn't that big of a deal really, mostly embarassment, but still... what does it feel like? Does it hurt? What was femara like? How did ya get thru the 2ww. I guess I'll continue on looking for posts and such...
Nervously yours,
my.herstory
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