Well, I am definatley going to miscarry, it's in the works now. My HCG level was at 38.4 today... I hope it goes quickly so I can move on. I know that may sound cold to some, but I would rather it be over with now.
I'm guessing it's a chemical pregnancy due to the fact the numbers are going down, and I hope I just get a heavy period. I don't want a D&C, although that hasn't been suggested by the dr's, I've googled it and it sounds just horrible.
It's sad to know this baby would have completed our family, and now all the hopes that were built up so quickly have come crashing down. What a roller coaster of emotions this month after all the negative hpt's, then the low BETA'S. I'll be glad when its done. I'm tired of thinking about it to be honest.
I'm also glad that the universe didn't continue the pregnancy if there was chromosone problems, I wouldn't have wanted the baby to be born without a lung or with no limbs, that would have been cruel.
I am glad that the ppl we told have now been told I am miscarrying, cause let me tell you the thought of calling everyone and actually hearing them say 'I'm sorry' over and over again was hard. I didn't want to hear it. I don't want pitty either. This is all part of trying to start a family, even for women who don't have fertility problems.
Now I guess I'm part of the statistics reguarding miscarrying... what an odd way to look at it.
Well off I go to ponder... and wait to start bleeding. I wish it would just start so it could end.
I've wrapped my head around the situation in a healthy way. I have a lot going on in the next month or two so we'll be taking advantage of that and take a break from activley ttc with help.
That's all I got for now. Thanx for all the support ladies.
TTYS
XOXO
5 comments:
to be honest i think i'm happy at your decision to take a break and relax...can i be?...will you allow it?...lol...seriously!...it will happen if it's meant to be...at least that's what i think. plus this way it's not AS painful on you on me on us. i mean you have a little girl already right? LUCKY YOU!!! love on her...and be happy you have her...and hey you never know...maybe another baby will just happen...out of the blue..and surprise you all!!! I know that's what I'm hoping for me...and now for you too!!!!
I'm really sorry. I know you aren't really wanting pity, but I wanted you to know that I was thinking about you. I know what you mean about just moving on, waiting to bleed, and accepting that it happens. It is a little easier (I guess) to handle when you don't really think about the potentiality of it all....at least that is how i felt with my chemical pregnancy. Still, I never knew if it hurt me in the long run or not - because then I became leery of ever trusting pregnancy tests, and with the Zerker we had horrible betas (not doubling, declining, then doubling). So now I don't even trust them. I think the only thing you can trust is time...and Providence - I trust in that...Good to take a break, and see what happens the next time. Perhaps the RE will give you progesterone on your next try. Take care.
It's a hard road...
I'm thinking of you...(I know you didn't want to hear the "I'm sorry" but I wanted to let you know that this sucks and I'm here if you need to chat!
I'm so sorry that it is indeed a chemical pregnancy.
You are right, you won't need a D&C. Chemical pregnancies are embryos that initially implant only to pull away and cause the drop in hCg. I had one as well, between my miscarriage and my ectopic pregnancy. It ended in a heavy period.
I think the worst part is that, had we not been so seriously trying I would have never known I was indeed pregnant. Unfortunately chemical pregnancies are so common it's unreal. There are many women out there who have a late period, take a taste get a negative and then a late, heavy period. What they really just went through was a chemical but they won't ever know it because they might not have been so seriously trying like we do!
Either way, the truth of the matter is that it sucks so horribly bad and it hurts even worse!! I'm sorry for your loss!! Take time for you, love on your daugher and just be you!! Hugs hun!
Test not taste. Don't know where my head was at at that moment.
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