5dpo, dreams

Hey peeps. Nothing different happening today, some little cramps, slight burning feeling but not for very long... I've been sleepy, but that could be explained below. I've been a little gasy gasy, but I've started eating 12 grain bread/toast in the am with peanut butter as it's much healthier and keeps you full for a long time, tastes good too! I know that's a little tmi, but I want to write down all my symptoms n stuff so I can reffer back to it.

I am having vived dreams of mom as well, all of which she is of course dead in them. I believe its a coping mechanism, but I wish I either wouldn't dream of her, or she was alive in them.
Last nights dream was horrible. I woke up sobbing, litterally. In the dream I had put mom in a home and left her there, didn't visit or nothing, I was to busy with 'the boys'. Anyways, I rec'd 'the call' that she had died, and they wanted me to go in and collect her things. First off, when they called I was shocked because it was like I had totally forgotten that she was dieing and I had put her in that home. When I get there they presented me with a picture of her standing in her housecoat and her walker was in front of her, with a nurse on each side of her. They were all smiling and she was holding a sign which read "HCG = 468" or some other number. Anyways, they were all quite happy, I remember being confused that they did an HCG test on her for one thing, so I asked why they did that; the nurse simply said it was for research and quite often their patients have positive hcg results close to the end???!! So to say the least I've been disturbed aaaall day, and this morning I was edgy and grumpy. I know we've been ttc and we've had 2 m/c in the last year... one of which was right after mom's death. So I dunno. David says its maybe a message from her saying to expect a pregnancy soon, but I dunno. Her still dieing in the dream really struck a cord. I actually cried in my sleep I think, which is what woke me up. I just so tired of dreaming of her. Not that I want to forget her, but t makes me really sad that I can't see her in any other way. I just wish the dreams had happier endings, isn't that what a dream is supo9ssed to be? Not a nightmare?!
Here's to hoping I have a restful sleep tonight... dreamless.

TTYS
XOXO