Well...

Mum seems to be doing well, she's frustrated because she's dizzy and she has to many thing plugged into her, and she's sleepy. I did my best to nicely tell her that she just went through surgery!
No AF yet, this is good. I'm really getting to be obssesive now. Watching every little thing that happens with my body.
Today after I ate lunch, about ten minutes later I had a lot of gas and movement in my intestines(what a gross word LOL)... what an odd/scary feeling. Sometimes I feel food digesting, but today was NUTS. I've had diarrhea a couple time the last two days, which is odd. I didn't eat anything that would cause it. I've had cramping again today, early this evening, but its like a dull burning cramping sensation, so I dunno.
To be honest I'm tired of waiting and wondering. I'de like to know! This 2ww thing is for the birds man! It really does make you feel crazy doesn't it? Oh, speaking of which, I had a lot of big mood swings today too. Breasts around my nipples are sore.
Why can't their be a tell tale early pregnancy sign? lol.
David doesn't see the point in me purchasing a p-test tomorrow as I go for beta on friday... I don't think he understand what its like to be in my head right now. He actually got a little frustrated with me because I suggested I may buy a test tomorrow... it actually made me feel like crying right there. (There's one of those mood swings).
y blood sugars are all of as well, and when I need to eat I'm ravenous! My blood sugar almost crashed twice today alone, and yesterday as well...
Man I have a feeling that if I am going to get AF, she's gunna kick my butt all over the place again this time. I'm not looking forward to that. But I will have some holiday egg nog and irish creammmmmmmmm. If I am prego I'll still have some egg nog hehe.
Well, I'm of for tonight, take care all!

TTYL
XOXO

Mum n stuff

Mum did excellent with her surgery. The Dr was happy with everything, and she is happily pushing the trigger button on her morphine LOL. She's really funny when she's all hopped up lol. It was a long day, but they removed the cancer and sent it away to be analized. We still have her right lung to do, but that one, even the Dr. isn't sure what to do. So we'll count our Christmas blessings so far! Thanx to everyone for helping to keep me stable, and thanx again for all your positive vibes and thoughts/prayers and blessings.

On the IUI front. I have an iron type taste in my mouth, and I freaquented the bathroom a lot today (although I believe it was nerves as that's how I get when my nerves are shot). I still have a swollen type feeling in centre of my abdomin. I had some cramping today but not so heavy. Still no AF. That about does it!

Gotta go as am really very tired. Thanx again girls, if it wasn't for you leaving your messages I don't know what I'de do.

TTYL
XOXO

well its 11dpiui... I think lol

All the days are merging together. It's 11dpiui I believe, if I include the day of the iui as 1dpiui LOL. Anyways. I had cramping all day today, and a swelly fullness in my abdomin. My breasts are tender and full... All symptoms of AF... so I dunno. There's my update for today. I really wish it was pregnancy symptoms, but I dunno. We'll see.
Thanx for your positive thoughts and blessings!

TTYL
XOXO

a low moment...

I am having a rather low moment. Right now, it feels like nothing good is going to come this week. I dunno if its hormones, or just stress, but feel really negative about everything.
I am so worried that mum's not going to do well, and that this cycle is a bust. I am worried our family xmas will suck cause of family disputes over certain things (that's an entire blog on its own), and mum's health.
Dad was on me today about me picking him up for her surgery... YA WHATEVER! The stress of that coupled with the surgery would definatly kill her! He's so self driven, he says "I don't want to sit here alone, come pick me up...". He's 30 minutes away and mum's got to be at hopsital for 7:45am... not gunna happen! He would make the entire day about himself... screw that! (he had a stroke 7 yrs ago and is not such a nice person anymore, and its all about him him him, grrrrrr. He's living in a nursing home in woodstock where I grew up).
We are broke right now too. We're hoping to be able to pay all the bills next month. David is off work for 3 wks, and I'm off for 2 wks (for xmas)... talk about broke. I don't even think we can afford the iui next month because of the lack of paychecks we'll be getting. We have other bills to pay, ect... so that's not helping either. Having to possibly skip a month.

I feel gassy and moody, and I'm friggin sick and tired of thinking about my period and the 2ww! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. I think my head is going to explode and I feel like I want to break down. I wanna goto bed and not get out until tuesday morning for mum's surgery. I don't want to face the a$$holes on the phone at work tomorrow... I am dreading it all! Ya know I was fine this morning then all of a sudden my mood changed to depression, I felt it come across me like a wave, it was nuts... I haven't been able to shake it I guess.

Does everyone go thru this hell during their 2ww? Gawwwwwwwwwwd!

Okay, I'm going to bed. Hopefully tomorrow I'll wake up in a better mood. Take care all.

TTYL
XOXO

cd 27, 9dpiui

So as you see above, we're slowly getting there. AF symptoms should be starting anytime (thoeretically). I wanted to dye my hair this week, and I actually painted my nails red red red, usually when I do things like that, its a tell tale sign that af is sure to be on her way. We'll see.
My mother has surgery tuesday to remove a cancerous spot in her left lung. She has it in her right lung as well, but they'll have to open her right up for that one. So they wanted to get the 'easy' one out of the way first (we're actually not sure what's going to happen with that one ). They're doing lazer surgery to remove the spot on tuesday. We're hoping she is okay. She's pretty weak already, this is her third surgery in 5 yrs for this cancer that keeps growing back. We're hoping she makes it through okay, Please send your prayers and blessings if you have a minute.
So I may or may not be online after tomorrow for a day or so. I'll try and drop a quick note to let everyone know how it went. *crossing fingers*
Hoping all is well.

TTYL
XOXO

tomorrow is 7dpiui

So, here we are on almost 7dpiui, and I'm wanting to test! Yay me, a milestone has been passed! haha. Everyone is encouraging me to wait as they don't want me to get depressed (they don't understand what's been going through my mind, but bless their hearts for their concern).

How have I been?
In turmoil emotionally (not so happy, but very swingy)... bloaty, incredibly bloaty, and my gawd I can't stop eating which makes me feel worse cause I feel even more bloated! Although that seems to be passing a bit. I am starting to feel like myself a bit more. I don't know if that's such a good thing or not. I had more cramping today... and I have been "bunged up" (sorry, I know TMI, and that's thankfully ending now as well). Every now and again it'll feel like I have o'ing twinges and such. I've had a little cramping each day still. My thermometer is broken (it busted this morning somehow, go figure cause I just started a fertility friend chart online... lovely! So I can't even get any hints that way now.). I've had small headaches during the day every day, but I don't know if that's just my nerves from my emotions swinging or not. When I showered tonight I noticed the purple colored viens in my breasts were really promonent... that must be the hcg shot as well... cause that happens apparently to a lot of women. Damn shot! I think that's about it really. It's now all become a little torturous!
My friends (the parents to our GodDaughter), their parents own a pharmacy, so I'll be purchasing pregnancy tests from them at cost *grin*. Dave doesn't want me to test either, as he doesn't want me to obssess, well its starting now anyways, I'm well on my way! I probably won't test until after sunday at the very least (that's when the hcg shot should have left my system, and it can take 5-10 days to inplant as well).
I'm scared... honest to God I'm scared... lots of hesitation because I absolutley dread another negative test after all this. I know everyone says that, but I also know you all understand what I'm saying! I'll be just heart sick if its negative. I'll feel really bad for David...

So Gypsy is doing well. We're trying the seperation thing now, crate training at night is going beautifully, last night she stayed the entire night in her crate! We're very happy about that. Tonight I put her in her crate and ran to the bank, when I left she was crying, when I came back she was crying every now and again (I waited outside for a few minutes to listen), but overall I think it went well. Tomorrow she has a 3 hour window of being alone as David is working a 13 hour shift, and I leave at 8am, he won't be home until 10:30-11am... here's to hoping it goes well!

This is Gypsy in the sweater I made her...





Take care all!
XOXO

CD18 = iui

So we did it! We had our first IUI! It went well. The nurse that did it was awesome, she explained everything in detail and even laughed when we made our jokes. She gave us a bit of a 'pep' talk while I laid down for the 15 minutes afterwards... talking about failed attempts and successful ones. She said we need to allow ourselves a 'bad day'if it shows negative results... she also said that if the results were positive that they worry doesn't stop there for most women who have been ttc like us, the worry changes to it being a 'sticky' pregnancy... she was so nice, and so very realistic. I even hugged her lol. I cried of course as she said dave had 27.5 mil. sperm, with good mobility (specially after the spa treatment they rec'd), my folly was at 25mm, and lining at 11. She said I produced a nice egg (maybe the blood work showed her that). So all that good news, coupled with finally being there for the IUI was rather emotional. She said it was okay and it was a very emotional thing, IUI.
I had cramping most of that day, the day after that I had more cramping, not so heavy, and a tiny bit yesterday and today... getting less and less freaquent. My breasts are sore, And it looks like they've gotten bigger, only one bra fits right now... its crazy! My boobs are popping out all over the place... baggy sweaters, that's all I've got to say LOL... oh and a control top hehe. And I've had a headache off and on sinse the proceedure.
I've been moody, but it seems to be getting worse as time progresses, of course it could subconciously be the 2ww. I've had heart burn off and on... I looked up over the internet that it can take 10 days for the effects of the ovidrel to wear off, so I'm quit sure that's what all this is! But the moodiness is getting to me, and probably David too.
I thought a little bit about the results, will it or won't it work... but I've been to busy with the puppy to really think about it in depth. I'm not excited at all to test, actually on the contrary I dread it. I think I've actually already resigned to the fact that it didn't work... its sad really, I thought I would have a bit of excitement but I don't really. And that's what ticks me off the most about going through all this. Infertility sucks at time like these; Not even looking forward to the possiblity of it working. I've started thinking about how to tell everyone that the first try was a failure... *shaking head* oi-vay! I know, I know, its too early to tell. Abd ya never know until the test comes back! Although really there were a lot of twinges and little jerks in my abdomin, cramping, ect, nothing really felt extra special. And there was no spotting at all. My temp is ranging between 97.1-97.6, so no real changes there. I did miss a few mornings, but over all I don't see a real difference. My appetite is rediculous! All I want to do is eat, which isn't good. Damn hormones lol.
The experience was a good one, at least I know what to expect for next time! Maybe I'm pregnant, maybe I'm not. I guess we'll wait the two weeks and find out *smiles*. It would be really nice to be a positive test, because IUI's involve a lot of running back and forth to the office, and stress of numbers (LOL), but the science of it really does increase the chances of becoming pregnant! Its worked for many many women, and others it hasn't. Hopefully I'm one of the 'lucky'ones. :)
I'll drop a line in the next few days. Maybe I'll feel a bi more positive about things, hopefully I get a little exicted by the end of my 2ww. Take care all!

TTYL
XOXO