cd13, weight watchers day 1!

I started WW today, it was pretty good. I ate lots and still have 2 points left. I do need to add more veggies and fruit into my day, as well as water... but I think it'll take a week to adjust to everything, plus I can't get any new groceries until we know the cash flow after rent... so I'm workin' with what I got.
B and I went to the gym tonight, it was good, we kinda cheaped out on the cardio by 6minutes, but we did good on our weights. We're gunna go do some swimming on friday which I'm looking forward too. I haven't swam in almost a year and a half and I am a big water baby! Plus the water is clean, and heated hehe. So that'll be nice. Should be a good workout, hope its not busy in the pool lol.
Well, I am outta here for now ladies, take care and I'll be back to post about fridays exam.

TTYL
XOXO

cd11 blood work & u/s

Well, I have follies there, but nothing sizable... so she figured I was blooming late. I go back friday to see how they've come along. Thanx for all the well wishes for this cycle! But todays report doesn't give me much hope lol... but its early yet still I guess... Grow follies grow!
I joined Weight Watchers tonight... I got all my stuff to go through so I wanna do that for tomorrow and plan out my meals. I get 35 points to play with, plus my extra 35 for the week, which I don't intend on using unless absolutley necassary.
Funny how things work. I have been having a problem with self confidence sinse my failed IUI... lots of depression and anger, self loathing, ect. But this past weekend I got myself a couple new shirts, I straightened my hair, got a cute hat and went out. All of my friends were extra nice about saying how pretty I looked and strangers came up and said how beautiful my voice was (karaoke)... these people didn't really know how I was feeling inside, cause I'm a pretty good faker. So it helped boost my self confidence. I went out the second night and was told I looked hot and such... I posted a new photo on facebook and a guy I haven't seen since May wrote a simple email saying ooooo you look sexy today. lol I felt so good after all the other comments posted on my message baord there as well.... then I went for my apointment this morning and it all came crashing down!
Its amazing how much a simple exam can effect the way you feel about yourself. I mean I say a lot how I don't feel like a woman because of my fertility problems. I have problems feeling beautiful for myself and for my husband because of these problems... how do you make it so it doesn't effect every other area of your life? Struggle struggle struggle. Sometimes I just don't believe in myself... I'm hoping that losing some weight will help, and I hope I can stick with the lifestyle change and get prositive results. It'll be nice to feel successful at something. Cause infertility makes me feel like such a failure sometimes...

Wow, guess I needed to get that off my chest, LOL.
Hope everyone is doing well.

TTYL
XOXO

cd 10 today!

Hi ladies, its cd10 today... so tomorrow marks day1 for monitoring... here's to hoping for a good follie or two! I hope I get two this time... it'll increase my chances. I haven't been taking my temp, but I think I may start now as its coming upto 'O' time.
I am just watching Paranormal State... I think this second ones a repeat so I may head off to bed early due to the early morning I have so I get to work on time. So I'll catch up with everyones blogs tomorrow when I come back to post the U/S results.
Take care ladies!

TTYL
XOXO

cd5 and counting

So mum had my brother call work today, I had to leave and take her to the hospital, she's got pneumonia. They've given her some medicine to take for 10 days, hopefully it helps.
I'm going to go back to WW next week and sign up for 5 weeks I think, check it out and see if I can't lose some weight and learn some new things.
I've been working on trying to get my self confidence up so that I can be a bit happier. I think the winter isn't helping because it's depressing staying inside, and I hate cold. I would be hapy if it was fall all year round!
Well I think I'm gunna go and do some charcoal drawings, its been a while sinse I did that. Hope everyone is well.

TTYL
XOXO

well... we're back to cd3!

We're back to cd3, I've started femera, and on cd11 I start my monitoring at the clinic. So... am I excited? No. Am I nervous? No. I'm hopeful, always hopeful, but I can't dwell on this iui cycle like I did the last one. It was our first cycle, we didn't know what to expect, and we thought because our chances had increased to a fertile couples chances that we would be pregnant by now... but alas we're doing our second cycle. I didn't have to go for cd3 blood work, thank goodness, I was very pleased about that. I am looking forward to using my fabulous hpt's from ebay to track the hcg shot, cause it'll actualy show a positive result for once hehe. Cause I don't really believe those pee tess work LOL, all mine have been false positives/evap lines , or just plain negative hehe. It'll be nice to see a positive result, even if it is from the hcg shot (If I need the shot this time round). Reguardless I have tests to give myself an idea of what my body is doing. Last time everyone I knew told me not to test... guess what?? I'm testing this time! I want to make sure I'm prepared for when I do my beta at the end of my cycle. So here we go! I look forward to this cycle not being AS stressful as the last one.

I am going to a weight watchers meeting tomorrow night to ask a bunch of questions about there system ect. Then make the decision about spending the money for it. From what I've read up it seems pretty good and has been a successful way for a lot of women to lose weight and eat better.

I'm watching paranormal state, don't want to miss to much more of it, so I'm off for now. Take care all!

TTYL
XOXO

American Idol is on again tonight, at 8pm.

It's my fathers birthday today, I didn't get to see him as I worked. Well I worked for most the day. I have been feeling a little off, today my stomache was upset and I was getting hot flashes. I started shaking, I thought it was only my hands, but apparently it was my entire body, the girls that sit next to me told me that my entire body was vibrating. They said it was freaking them out and that I had red blotches on my cheeks and I looked white everywhere else. Weird cause I felt wisck but okay at the same time, but I knew something was wrong so I came home. Had a bit of a nap on the couch, ate a Mr. Noodle. lol. I actually ate the entire thing. (I couldn't get through lunch at work).
Tonight was supossed to be a gym night, but I think I'm just going to relax and beat this bug. I think it's left over from the nasty cold I had on the weekend. Winter sux when it warms up and cools down.

I am just finding out now as I type this that my dog is in heat for the first time... poor little thing. We were gunna get her fixed tomorrow, but finances had to push it back a month. Hold on Gypsy, one month honey...

Anyways, still waiting for AF to show. Off I go to check my mail and call mum to wish her luck for her dr's apointment tomorrow. Take care all!

TTYL
XOXO

LOL, I'm laughing my butt off!

So I am really REALLY enjoying American Idol! Simon is such a mean person, but sometimes he too right for his own good. lol American Idol is sooooooooo much better than Canadian Idol. I feel bad for some of the people that try out, and laugh my butt off at others. LOLOLOL OMG! hehehe (sorry still watching it). Did anyone else watch it?? haha!

So I'm still waiting for AF, she hasn't come yet. Neither have my tests, but they probably won't be here until next week when I should be well on my way to my second IUI... but we'll see.

I'm working on my self strength for losing weight and making changes in my life. I want to kick myself for not doing certain things, and still doing other not so healthy things. How does one win the argument with themselves, and kick that devil off their shoulder? I guess I just gotta buck up and get it done eh? Easier said than done. I really think I need guidance for eating better, I may visit a weight watchers meeting in the next couple weeks to see what they're all about. I've been doing well with new foods, but its the right foods I'm concerned with. The Gym is going well, and I'm walking the dog on the nights I don't go to the gym, which we're both enjoying. David actually went with us tonight which was extra nice, cause he never just goes for a walk, so it was really nice... cold but nice :).

I think that's all that's new really. OMG this guy wrote a song for Paula, hehehehe HAHAHAH. OMG BAD LYRICS OMG ! "I broke into her house when she wasn't there and tried on her underwear....???? I think I'll just stalk her..." Not good!
K, off I go to watch the rest of the show.

TTYL
XOXO

What's been happening...

Well, I'm waiting for AF. She should be here anytime this week... Then we start IUI 2. I'm looking forward to getting the ball rolling again. I have no AF symptoms, so I may need to use a script to get it started... of course I'll test first, but the DR. said my chances of conceiving normally are 0-1%, so ya know lol...

David is back to work, thank goodness! I love the man, but he never leaves! LOL. I am enjoying the living room with no T.V, just some relaxing music on the computer and typing away here.

I had the worst cold... I am just getting over it apparently. It was really bad yesterday, and today I'm feeling much better. I had a huge hot flash earlier tonight, I think it was this bug breaking finally.

It's snowing here again. My puppy stopped peeing outside when all the snow melted, I took her out tonight and she peed in under 5 minutes... not looking forward to spring LOL.

I want to paint, I've had a need to do so for a while now and I was at a friends place and she has a painting; the artist used fabric on a frame instead of purchasing the expensive canvas ones from the art store, so I may have to follow that artists lead. I don't know what I want to paint yet, but I guess we'll see.

I had a dream the other night that I should write out as well. It was about one of my best friends who passed away last may. 'P' was a kindred spirit, it was an odd dream. Dave and I owned our own place and P's wife and him came to the door. She was sooo happy and friendly, (which was odd because she doesn't much like me anymore). P wasn't himself, he was there but not. I couldn't believe it when I seen him, I embraced him with all I had and told him how much I missed him. I know for sure he said " I'm doing fine Jenn". (Almost like I shouldn't worry about him) I wondered why he was there and said... "P, I thought you passed away... why are you here?" He didn't answer me, simply looked emotionless. I got the feeling that he was worried about his wife. I then looked at his wife who was very happy, she almost seemed not like herself, like she had lost herself. I went to speak with her, and asked her what she had done... "why is P here?" She said she did it, she brought him back. She was very happy, but when I looked at P sitting on the couch he stared blankly into the air, like he was there but not really. I told his wife that whatever she did, she had to undo because it wasn't right. Even though we've had our differences in the past I had to tell her how I felt. The next thing I knew, P was gone and his children and all of our old friends were dancing in our backyard with a lot of joy, almost like they used to around maypoles. I believe his wife was out there too, but don't know for sure... and that was my dream.
Now, I understand the reference to the maypole, as he passed away last may. I understand him saying he was fine. I don't really know why I had this dream all of a sudden, although its probably been building for months as I think of him often. Also Jan last year was the last time I seen him alive. He was at my mother in laws funeral. I can't call his wife to see how she's doing because she won't speak to me, but I think I'll call a mutual friend and inquire this week. Maybe the entire thing was a message that he was fine and not to be sad anymore, but to check in on his wife every now and then for him... I don't know... it just wasn't like a normal dream. It's been on my mind for a couple days now. Hmm... I'm still sad he's gone.

Hope all is well for everyone,
TTYL
XOXO

Hi ladies! Sorry it's been a while, thanx for all your comments.
Today I order 25 p-test strips off ebay for $8.99 lol. I think I did well hehehe. I'm excited to get them. It'll take upto 10 days to get them but that's cool.
I am waiting for AF now, she should rear her ugly head monday or tuesday if I'm not pregnant, which I don't feel I am. But am am however looking forward to the next IUI cycle.
I lost 5 pounds, I guess working hard does pay off! I have aabout 15 pounds to go foir my first goal, then its time to set another for weight loss... what I'm doing seems to be working.
I am pretty sleepy right now, B and I had a good workout at the gym... so its just a fast post, I'll update more over the next few days and catch up with everyone else. Take care and I hope you're all doing well.

TTYL
XOXO

cd18

Hi all, hope everyone's holidays were full of warmth and joy! I hope santa brought everything you asked for.
I had a nice holiday, got a new mp3 player and a body pillow. I also got Harry Potter 4 & 5. We had a successful family dinner and gift exchange and went for brunch with David's family. New years was a blast, I tied one on for sure! LOL.'
New years resollutions, to completley stop smoking and stay quit, to lose some weight, get pregnant, purchase a home... what are yours? I know my list is tall, but hey, what can ya do? lol
So we did femera this cycle, due to the holidays no IUI. So, I'm in my 2ww right now. Started yesterday from my temps and such. If its not successful then we go for IUI #2 in a couple wks!
I'll be updating myself with everyones blogs over the next couple of days. I haven't been online much as I think I've been depressed and have'n't allowed myself time to work through things until recently.
I have really lost touch of my spirituality as well. I'm hoping to get back into meditation and even back into drawing and writing music... funny how your favorite past times get lost in the shuffle of busy life. But I know now with how I have been feeling that I'm missing all that... so I gotta kick my own butt back into gear. I was thinking about maybe getting guitr lessons to... we'll see.
That's enough blabbering for now, gunna go make some cookies, I need a chocolate fix! Take care all!

TTYL
XOXO