Just dropping a line to say we got our new 3 bedroom townhouse!!! YAAAAAAY! We're painting it now and are excited to move in. Yay us!
I am on cd 21. I haven't noticed anything different accept very sore breasts, ouchy! I have also been feeling sick, with lots of emergancy bathroom trip, but that's the Avandia pills.
I got a note from the doctor to go part time at work. I go in tuesday to work out a new schedule, yaaaay! I have a job interview on wednesday LOL, YAAAAAAY! I goto Quebec in a week and a half to see my brother graduate from boot camp, which I truly TRULY can't wait for.
Then I wait until its time and do my p-test if AF doesn't come a knockin'.
That's what's going on here, but its late and I have a full day of painting tomorrow so I should be heading off to bed.
TTYL
My.Herstory
Jennifer
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
fertility vs infertility
So I received a dvd in the mail from one of my friends, called "The Secret". I have also been reading books on Fung Shui. Both of which have pointed towards the Law of Attraction. You attract things to yourself, whether it be positive or negative. So with this in thought, instead of concentrating on INfertility, why not concentrate on Fertility and being Fertile? Concentrating on the positive side of it will most definately be worthwhile. Concentrate on not being able to get pregnant and that's what you'll get. For example, always saying DH and I are having fertility problems, or I don't ovulate will bring that too me. The that is what I'm drawing to me from the great wide universe (whatever power it may be). If I concentrate on being fertile, would that not draw fertile energies to me? I truly think so.
It's more than thinking about it, its knowing that its true and visualization, ect. Hey, the worst that can happen is a more positive outlook right? lol
I did however ovulate this cycle, first cycle on Avandia. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Now hopefully we did everything right and in two/three weeks I'll post my positive pregnancy test!! Ahh who am I kidding when I see the positive everyone in the world will hear me scream then cry full of joy and happiness! lol
Well, I have to get to work now. Hope everyone is doing well.
TTYL
My.Herstory
Jenn
It's more than thinking about it, its knowing that its true and visualization, ect. Hey, the worst that can happen is a more positive outlook right? lol
I did however ovulate this cycle, first cycle on Avandia. YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Now hopefully we did everything right and in two/three weeks I'll post my positive pregnancy test!! Ahh who am I kidding when I see the positive everyone in the world will hear me scream then cry full of joy and happiness! lol
Well, I have to get to work now. Hope everyone is doing well.
TTYL
My.Herstory
Jenn
Sunday, March 18, 2007
CD 13 and counting...
CD13, I wasn't able to purchase an OPK for this month, so the only indication that would be even partcially reliable would be monitoring my temp. Unless of course I actually feel different... no signs of anything yet, but it is only cd13.
Not to much to report other than that. Well, Avandia I have found while taking it my eyes are drying out, so I use eye drops now, this is besides the emergency bathroom runs. I also find that I am getting freaquent headaches, but I think that's connected to the drying out of my eyes.. mabe if I keep putting drops in I'll find I have no headaches. We'll see over the next couple of days.
After not drinking pop as much I found now that it is actually rather sweet, I used to really like diet pepsi, now I find myself kinda grossed out at the taste of the sweetner in it. I start back at the gym this next week, I'm looking forward to that.
We've packed some boxes in hope that we'll get a new place... so now my dining room is all packed and so are the books from my bedroom.
I've started reading a book on Fung Shui, its actually kind of interguing, so we'll try some of the Feng Shui cures and see if it helps in any spesific area of my life lol. I'll have to let ya's know!
Off I go, should head to bed, long day tomorrow. TTYL
Jennifer
My.Herstory
Not to much to report other than that. Well, Avandia I have found while taking it my eyes are drying out, so I use eye drops now, this is besides the emergency bathroom runs. I also find that I am getting freaquent headaches, but I think that's connected to the drying out of my eyes.. mabe if I keep putting drops in I'll find I have no headaches. We'll see over the next couple of days.
After not drinking pop as much I found now that it is actually rather sweet, I used to really like diet pepsi, now I find myself kinda grossed out at the taste of the sweetner in it. I start back at the gym this next week, I'm looking forward to that.
We've packed some boxes in hope that we'll get a new place... so now my dining room is all packed and so are the books from my bedroom.
I've started reading a book on Fung Shui, its actually kind of interguing, so we'll try some of the Feng Shui cures and see if it helps in any spesific area of my life lol. I'll have to let ya's know!
Off I go, should head to bed, long day tomorrow. TTYL
Jennifer
My.Herstory
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
WARNING: This is a rant session!! I needed to vent!
So things just don't seem to be clicking into place. I am rather frusterated all around right now with things in my life. Mum and Doug are still living with us and Dave and I want a new place, we want our baby and I need a new job. My new shift starts next week, 3:30pm to midnight, and I'm stressed out about it cause I won't get any time with David as he'll be sleeping while I'm up and I'll be gone before he's up. It really feels like I'm stuck in a really bad movie of my own life. I want to get out of the call centre business so bad, I'm sick of talking to people all day.
Today I had a bad time cause there's like 6 women I can count off the top of my head that are pregnant, always talking about how they feel and 'complaining' about the baby kicking while they're trying to sleep at night. All I could think of saying was "I wish I had that problem", and I did say it... nice and clear, no response! They actually got up and went inside. LOL.
GRRRRRRRRR!
I am so sick of living in this house, the environment here SUX a$$. There's black mold hiding everywhere, and mushrooms growing in the basement. The rust from the taps when you turn them on, and if the sinks drain your lucky. GROSS!!!! I hate slum loards and man our landlord is one of them. We tried over the last 1.5 yrs to make this place a home, but its so gross we just can't!
I love my mother and my brother, but I think 7 months is long enough! We're all ready to kill each other, and trying to be romantic and trying for a family doesn't work when you always have someone home. (my mother had major surgery in july, had 3 large growths removed from her chest cavity, and scrapped from a disk in her back where she now has a steel rod. So it's been a VERY long road, she's doing much better and is able to drive now, so we've been trying to get them their own place but because she has to do subsidy and housing she's been added to a list. My brother is 40 yrs old, and acs like a 13 years old most the time with his temper tantrums and such, he has epilepsy and this sort of thing comes with that. My father is finally where he belongs, in a nursing home, as he had a stroke 7 years ago and has been emotionally and mentally abusing my mother, he's in a wheel chair most the time but has some mobility. So at least we got one thing taken care of!).
I just want to scream with frusteration!!! Nothing seems to be going our way at all! I can feel it in deep down in my gutt that things are going to be awesome, I just know it, but this stagnation is driving me MAD! I think we deserve a little good luck and great news for once, something to go our way anyways!. It really feels like we're constantly struggling, and I'm sick of it.
Dave and I applied for a townhouse in London, and we really hope to get it, but we can't take it if mom and doug don't get a place. I need to have a job to work to pay the car bills as we owe for the new transmission we just had to put in, and I pay insurance. We need a second car if I can't find a new job so I can travel back and forth from London to here with my shitty afternoon shift at the call center. But still nothing can hppen until mom and doug are in their own place, it's an EVIL circle that keeps going round and round.
So Now I sit and look at this friggin callender and I get even more angry and upset because i'm sick of having to do this when its s friggin easy for other women to get pregnant! WHY can't that be me??? Something easy for a change instead of having to time our sex and take the friggin pills, and take my temp every day... monitor my CM and CP.... Gawd! I certainly hope the next 6 years aren't as shitty as the past years have been.
My mother in law pased away Jan. 17th. She wanted me to go through her clothes and get first pick of everything that way, so that's what I did on the weekend. There was one outfitt spesifically that was laid out on the bed, a very beautiful purple skirt with light flower patterns on it, with a very pretty purple tank top with jewles around the neck. A matching outfit... we all figure she got it spesifically with me in mind... because its my style of clothing, nothing she would have ever warn. So that warms my heart but makes me very sad at the same time because I can't thank her for it in the normal sense.
K, I think I'm done ranting... for now. I warned you this post was a little bit of a venting session. I hope everyone is doing well, I'll catch up on your blogs later on.
My.HerStory
Jenn
Today I had a bad time cause there's like 6 women I can count off the top of my head that are pregnant, always talking about how they feel and 'complaining' about the baby kicking while they're trying to sleep at night. All I could think of saying was "I wish I had that problem", and I did say it... nice and clear, no response! They actually got up and went inside. LOL.
GRRRRRRRRR!
I am so sick of living in this house, the environment here SUX a$$. There's black mold hiding everywhere, and mushrooms growing in the basement. The rust from the taps when you turn them on, and if the sinks drain your lucky. GROSS!!!! I hate slum loards and man our landlord is one of them. We tried over the last 1.5 yrs to make this place a home, but its so gross we just can't!
I love my mother and my brother, but I think 7 months is long enough! We're all ready to kill each other, and trying to be romantic and trying for a family doesn't work when you always have someone home. (my mother had major surgery in july, had 3 large growths removed from her chest cavity, and scrapped from a disk in her back where she now has a steel rod. So it's been a VERY long road, she's doing much better and is able to drive now, so we've been trying to get them their own place but because she has to do subsidy and housing she's been added to a list. My brother is 40 yrs old, and acs like a 13 years old most the time with his temper tantrums and such, he has epilepsy and this sort of thing comes with that. My father is finally where he belongs, in a nursing home, as he had a stroke 7 years ago and has been emotionally and mentally abusing my mother, he's in a wheel chair most the time but has some mobility. So at least we got one thing taken care of!).
I just want to scream with frusteration!!! Nothing seems to be going our way at all! I can feel it in deep down in my gutt that things are going to be awesome, I just know it, but this stagnation is driving me MAD! I think we deserve a little good luck and great news for once, something to go our way anyways!. It really feels like we're constantly struggling, and I'm sick of it.
Dave and I applied for a townhouse in London, and we really hope to get it, but we can't take it if mom and doug don't get a place. I need to have a job to work to pay the car bills as we owe for the new transmission we just had to put in, and I pay insurance. We need a second car if I can't find a new job so I can travel back and forth from London to here with my shitty afternoon shift at the call center. But still nothing can hppen until mom and doug are in their own place, it's an EVIL circle that keeps going round and round.
So Now I sit and look at this friggin callender and I get even more angry and upset because i'm sick of having to do this when its s friggin easy for other women to get pregnant! WHY can't that be me??? Something easy for a change instead of having to time our sex and take the friggin pills, and take my temp every day... monitor my CM and CP.... Gawd! I certainly hope the next 6 years aren't as shitty as the past years have been.
My mother in law pased away Jan. 17th. She wanted me to go through her clothes and get first pick of everything that way, so that's what I did on the weekend. There was one outfitt spesifically that was laid out on the bed, a very beautiful purple skirt with light flower patterns on it, with a very pretty purple tank top with jewles around the neck. A matching outfit... we all figure she got it spesifically with me in mind... because its my style of clothing, nothing she would have ever warn. So that warms my heart but makes me very sad at the same time because I can't thank her for it in the normal sense.
K, I think I'm done ranting... for now. I warned you this post was a little bit of a venting session. I hope everyone is doing well, I'll catch up on your blogs later on.
My.HerStory
Jenn
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
The experience of "Baby Dreams"
I had another baby dream two nights ago... I woke up irritated, then sat staring out the window, and cried a bit. In my dream I was pregnant (like my normal baby dreams), the biggest difference was my dream body actually matched my real body. It left me with a fresh, deep longing because it made it seem real. In my dream I didn't experience the birth, nor do I remember holding the baby afterwards. I do remember that some time had passed, and I was running along a balcony. The walls I remember had changed from one color to a light green. I knew it was a boy! My heart beat faster and faster as I started my race towards a doorway about 50 yards up and to the left from where I was. There was a door there with a dull light flashing from inside with what sounded like a television. I ran along the railing, finally reaching the corner I turned left, and sprint the rest of the way towards the doorway. I remember seeing a little baby boy on the television screen, surrounded by a television mom and dad, family. I know he was my baby, he was so cute with his blonde hair and blue eyes, a spit image of my husband. I was confused and wondered why he wasn't with me... then I woke up.
I have a lot of dreams about babies, this one had to have seemed the most realistic for my self image and I don't remember seeing such a clear image of my baby befor either. These 'Baby Dreams'can be nice to have of one side, but very sad on another. I would much rather have the baby in real life. I've had other dreams as well, some more disturbing than others. I remember them all and will probably end up posting them over time.
I wonder if anyone else experiences 'Baby Dreams'. I suppose they do and just don't say. I think that a lot of the women TTC with fertility problems have these types of dreams. Wonder what they dream. Hmm.
I have a lot of dreams about babies, this one had to have seemed the most realistic for my self image and I don't remember seeing such a clear image of my baby befor either. These 'Baby Dreams'can be nice to have of one side, but very sad on another. I would much rather have the baby in real life. I've had other dreams as well, some more disturbing than others. I remember them all and will probably end up posting them over time.
I wonder if anyone else experiences 'Baby Dreams'. I suppose they do and just don't say. I think that a lot of the women TTC with fertility problems have these types of dreams. Wonder what they dream. Hmm.
It starts...
AF day 1 after Lap test... OUCH! She's not being very nice... so here we go, the roller coaster ride... keep your hands and legs in the car at all times until the ride comes to a complete stop. Well, I've already started keeping track of my temp, BD's, and now I am at the beginning of my cycle... Avandia took less than a week. I am a little excited at the prospect of O-ing for a change, lets just hope I don't miss the big day. I think I'm going to purchase an OPK... that'll be a first. I get paid friday so I guess its perfect timing so I can start my research on them.
I have to admitt that I dread the POS test in a month, I keep telling David we should buy stock. We'd be rich on us alone! I always hate it cause I watch the wet line cross the little windows, and I already know in my hearts of hearts that its negative... how depressing and forboding LOL. I'm a bottle of cheer! I should be doing a happy dance and getting excited... maybe It's just hormones hehe.
I have to admitt that I dread the POS test in a month, I keep telling David we should buy stock. We'd be rich on us alone! I always hate it cause I watch the wet line cross the little windows, and I already know in my hearts of hearts that its negative... how depressing and forboding LOL. I'm a bottle of cheer! I should be doing a happy dance and getting excited... maybe It's just hormones hehe.
So I finally have time to sit and post, well briefly for right now. I'll be sure to come again later to post a longer thought. I just spent almost half an hour looking for my username/password for this blog LOL. I didn't write it down or save it... but obviously have found it!! So now I can post away... well not right now it's supper time!
Be back a lil'later.
Jenn
Be back a lil'later.
Jenn
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