WARNING: This is a rant session!! I needed to vent!

So things just don't seem to be clicking into place. I am rather frusterated all around right now with things in my life. Mum and Doug are still living with us and Dave and I want a new place, we want our baby and I need a new job. My new shift starts next week, 3:30pm to midnight, and I'm stressed out about it cause I won't get any time with David as he'll be sleeping while I'm up and I'll be gone before he's up. It really feels like I'm stuck in a really bad movie of my own life. I want to get out of the call centre business so bad, I'm sick of talking to people all day.
Today I had a bad time cause there's like 6 women I can count off the top of my head that are pregnant, always talking about how they feel and 'complaining' about the baby kicking while they're trying to sleep at night. All I could think of saying was "I wish I had that problem", and I did say it... nice and clear, no response! They actually got up and went inside. LOL.
GRRRRRRRRR!
I am so sick of living in this house, the environment here SUX a$$. There's black mold hiding everywhere, and mushrooms growing in the basement. The rust from the taps when you turn them on, and if the sinks drain your lucky. GROSS!!!! I hate slum loards and man our landlord is one of them. We tried over the last 1.5 yrs to make this place a home, but its so gross we just can't!
I love my mother and my brother, but I think 7 months is long enough! We're all ready to kill each other, and trying to be romantic and trying for a family doesn't work when you always have someone home. (my mother had major surgery in july, had 3 large growths removed from her chest cavity, and scrapped from a disk in her back where she now has a steel rod. So it's been a VERY long road, she's doing much better and is able to drive now, so we've been trying to get them their own place but because she has to do subsidy and housing she's been added to a list. My brother is 40 yrs old, and acs like a 13 years old most the time with his temper tantrums and such, he has epilepsy and this sort of thing comes with that. My father is finally where he belongs, in a nursing home, as he had a stroke 7 years ago and has been emotionally and mentally abusing my mother, he's in a wheel chair most the time but has some mobility. So at least we got one thing taken care of!).
I just want to scream with frusteration!!! Nothing seems to be going our way at all! I can feel it in deep down in my gutt that things are going to be awesome, I just know it, but this stagnation is driving me MAD! I think we deserve a little good luck and great news for once, something to go our way anyways!. It really feels like we're constantly struggling, and I'm sick of it.
Dave and I applied for a townhouse in London, and we really hope to get it, but we can't take it if mom and doug don't get a place. I need to have a job to work to pay the car bills as we owe for the new transmission we just had to put in, and I pay insurance. We need a second car if I can't find a new job so I can travel back and forth from London to here with my shitty afternoon shift at the call center. But still nothing can hppen until mom and doug are in their own place, it's an EVIL circle that keeps going round and round.
So Now I sit and look at this friggin callender and I get even more angry and upset because i'm sick of having to do this when its s friggin easy for other women to get pregnant! WHY can't that be me??? Something easy for a change instead of having to time our sex and take the friggin pills, and take my temp every day... monitor my CM and CP.... Gawd! I certainly hope the next 6 years aren't as shitty as the past years have been.
My mother in law pased away Jan. 17th. She wanted me to go through her clothes and get first pick of everything that way, so that's what I did on the weekend. There was one outfitt spesifically that was laid out on the bed, a very beautiful purple skirt with light flower patterns on it, with a very pretty purple tank top with jewles around the neck. A matching outfit... we all figure she got it spesifically with me in mind... because its my style of clothing, nothing she would have ever warn. So that warms my heart but makes me very sad at the same time because I can't thank her for it in the normal sense.
K, I think I'm done ranting... for now. I warned you this post was a little bit of a venting session. I hope everyone is doing well, I'll catch up on your blogs later on.

My.HerStory
Jenn