So mom came home from ICU, for a day and a half... I found her again at 4:45am and she wouldn't rowse for me. She had mucus coming from her nose and mouth, her ears and fingers were blue. They weren't sure if they could revive her this time. They put her back on life support and she did start breathing on her own again. But ended up having a couple of seizures and a lot of memory loss. She lost all ability to feed herself and we couldn't really carry on a conversation with her because she wasn't making any sense when she spoke. She referred to things like violet and red and just odd things. It's been such an emotional and stresseful two weeks.
She's stable now and we can carry on a conversation with her, she's eating on her own. She still isn't able to get out of bed unassisted. She's presently in Paliative care at the hospital.
Tomorrow David and I are going to a place called Sakura House. Toyota donated it to VON. It's a million dollar home that houses 10 rooms for palliative care patients. They're goal is to give quality of life for there patients. I guess they're like little apartments, they even have decks for the patients to sit out on. Tv's, love seat & sofa, all the makings of your own apartment. Plus if mom wanted me to stay over night I could because there's a guest pull out bed. They have doctors and nurses on staff as well. She's already been accepted I believe so the head nurse at the hospital just needs me to confirm mom's wishes. So I told mom I would take pictures to show her.
Today I had to explain to my mom why she was were she was at (palliative care). Now we've explained this to her a few time over the course of the last 2 weeks, but this time I think she understands better.
I`ve had to have some pretty hard conversations with mom over the last week imparticular. The first one was if she wanted to be resesitated if this happens again, which she doesn`t... we also had to go over her will and where she wanted her things to go... and today I had to explain to her for the 4th-5th time what happened over the course of the last two weeks. Today was hard because I basically had to say to her that her lungs are dieing and her body is losing its drive to breath... I told her that if she was to come home things would end quickly because I can`t monitor her oxygen level and her blood sugars and all the other stuff the hospital or Sakura house can monitor. I talked to her on the phone tonight, she`s been feeling more pain in her back, because this cancer pulls the scar tissue from her previous operations... so they gave her a shot of morphine. So she`s feeling not so bad tonight... well physically anyways.
I haven`t been able to bring Maera up to see her because Maera caught bronchitis and strep throat in the middle of all this. So she`s on meds.
My back went out... I seen the chiropractor and he helped a lot... but then my mom went into the hospital the second time and I pinched the L or p5 nerve in my back... I was in so much pain all I could do was cry... my right leg went numb and I couldn`t control the muscles. I went to the hospital and they shot me up with two different drugs, then some morphine afterwards... and now I`m on celebrex until the chiropractor can fix me. I can move my leg now, but don`t have a lot of strength in it, and it`s still numb.
So much is up in the air right now with everything. I was thinking and I don`t know what to do with myself because mom`s not home... I have Maera... but now I`m confused about my own personal journey. I want another baby, and this should happen before I hit the big 35 in Nov.. although its not going to happen I would stil make it as close to that as possible. I also want to goto school and get my dog grooming lisence. But the school here in town isn`t holding any classes until next year. I have so many things going through my mind... everything feels so up in the air. I am missing my mom... and I am very sad that we are losing her... Maera won`t have a granny when mom passes as we lost David`s mom to cancer 3 yrs ago.
Anyways, that`s all I got in me tonight ladies.
Thankyou for all the kind comments and support. I love you all.
TTYS
XOXO
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