I think our plans start with the basement, and getting it emptied to the best of our abilities. Lots to sort through, three piles, SELL/KEEP/TOSS. I'm looking forward to getting that done.
We've let Dh's dad know that we don't want to purchase this home, so our plan is to get our finances straightened out and save for a townhouse or small house of our own. I think his dad was a bit shocked when dh told him, but none the less, it feels better to have finally made a decision on that. When we first moved in here his dad said he'd give us our downpayment for a mortage if we decided not to purchase this home. He'de give us the ,money from the sale of this place; tonight when DH asked about that aspect of things his dad was like, well uuhhh. SO it kinda feel like all the time and money we've put into this place has been a waste of time, accept to make it nicer for us to live in. Aww well, I'm not really suprised at all, we can't seem to live upto his families expectations anyways, so them's the breaks!
Baby #2 coming soon hopefully as well. All of our goals are attainable, it's just going to take patients and time... so here's to hoping we can stay focused on our dreams.
Well, my snack is almost done, so it's time to east. MMM perogies and pizza sauce as a dip. My mouth is watering!
TTYS
XOXO
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Thursday, July 29, 2010
picture
It's a little fuzzy and stuff, but here's the most recent picture I have. I'll take some new ones this weekend and post them next week. TTYS.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
so apparently
I am to make today day3 of my cycle and start taking femera. They of course want to monitor me as I shouldn`t be bleeding like I have been this month. They said the numbers came back as if this was the start of my month... so then what was it a week and a half ago that made me bleed... *shrug*. Guess I`ll just go with the flow!
TTYS
XOXO
TTYS
XOXO
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
I just really want to enjoy life, and I can't. I think I am going to call the dr and see about anti depressants for a little while. Everything feels uncertain... I've been trying to make changes, but not much seems to be going my way. Walls pop up everytime I try moving forward.
I have had 7 days this month without a period or spotting, my period came 3 seperate times... knowing my luck it's something really bad, cause I can't seem to catch a break. I go tomorrow for blood work to check my hormones. I was thinking about getting my diabeties test done as well, cause I am probably most likely diabetic.
We can't seem to catch up on bills, creditors call, and we're behind on everything. We have no real money for 'fun'. Haven't even baught Maera a new toy in a very long time... I feel really bad for that. I know she's not suffering or anything, but still. Id'e like to buy her a little something.
DH hasn't and doesn't make any real steps towards getting through all our things and throwing stuff we don't need out, like I'm supossed to do it all. We have to much junk and not enough space! I feel like I'm gunna snap.
My brothers are both going through some really rough emotional things, and because mom's gone, I've taken 'her place' type thing. I'm cool with being relied on and am happy they can both come to me, but I'm feeling overwhelmed right now.
I got through all of mom's things and sent them to their appropriate places, so that's taken care of, and that was hard. I did it all in a week... it was a hard week last week.
I feel like I haven't smiled in months, like truly actually smiled... with acception to the cute things Maera says and does. I do my best to stay energetic and happy for her, and she seems to be fine, I just wish I knew what I wanted and had a plan layed down for my future.
I've been wanting to take the dog grooming course and can't because I don't have the money. $6200 before taxes. I emailed the guy and he responded yestday to say he didn't think OSAP funded courses less than 12 weeks long... so here I sit working part time, making minimum wage at the dollar store.
Every little thing seems to get to me ten fold... and I know its because I'm depressed, but if things would just start working out for me, life would be much better.
Sorry I don't really have anything positive to say, but that's why I stopped posting here, because things are just relaly hard right now.
Anyways, that's a quick update, and when I get a new camera I'll post updated pic's of Maera.
That's it for now.
XOXO
I have had 7 days this month without a period or spotting, my period came 3 seperate times... knowing my luck it's something really bad, cause I can't seem to catch a break. I go tomorrow for blood work to check my hormones. I was thinking about getting my diabeties test done as well, cause I am probably most likely diabetic.
We can't seem to catch up on bills, creditors call, and we're behind on everything. We have no real money for 'fun'. Haven't even baught Maera a new toy in a very long time... I feel really bad for that. I know she's not suffering or anything, but still. Id'e like to buy her a little something.
DH hasn't and doesn't make any real steps towards getting through all our things and throwing stuff we don't need out, like I'm supossed to do it all. We have to much junk and not enough space! I feel like I'm gunna snap.
My brothers are both going through some really rough emotional things, and because mom's gone, I've taken 'her place' type thing. I'm cool with being relied on and am happy they can both come to me, but I'm feeling overwhelmed right now.
I got through all of mom's things and sent them to their appropriate places, so that's taken care of, and that was hard. I did it all in a week... it was a hard week last week.
I feel like I haven't smiled in months, like truly actually smiled... with acception to the cute things Maera says and does. I do my best to stay energetic and happy for her, and she seems to be fine, I just wish I knew what I wanted and had a plan layed down for my future.
I've been wanting to take the dog grooming course and can't because I don't have the money. $6200 before taxes. I emailed the guy and he responded yestday to say he didn't think OSAP funded courses less than 12 weeks long... so here I sit working part time, making minimum wage at the dollar store.
Every little thing seems to get to me ten fold... and I know its because I'm depressed, but if things would just start working out for me, life would be much better.
Sorry I don't really have anything positive to say, but that's why I stopped posting here, because things are just relaly hard right now.
Anyways, that's a quick update, and when I get a new camera I'll post updated pic's of Maera.
That's it for now.
XOXO
Monday, May 3, 2010
wowsers
Hi ladies. Thanx for all your condolences and thoughts reguarding my mother. I appreciate it. Things have been really hectic, lots going on. Trying to take care of estate things, she didn't actually complete the will, so that made everything just that much more difficult.
Friday I did a hpt and it came back a very faint positive, so I did two more, this time first response, they came back light positive... so today I went and got a BETA, and it was 11, so it's low low low, probably a chemical pregnancy. I don't know what cd I'm on either... I am sitting staring at the pregnancy tests and can't believe they show positive and I know that my level is 11... it was like a gift from my mother, I conceived a week or so after her passing... its really sad that things aren't going my way.
Things have been sad, and depressing really, like there's a black cloud hanging over our heads, I really thought it had lifted once I found out I was pregnant, but apparently not... just another thunderbolt of lightening to strike me down.
When things get a little more positive I'll come back with another update and check in on everyone else.
Friday I did a hpt and it came back a very faint positive, so I did two more, this time first response, they came back light positive... so today I went and got a BETA, and it was 11, so it's low low low, probably a chemical pregnancy. I don't know what cd I'm on either... I am sitting staring at the pregnancy tests and can't believe they show positive and I know that my level is 11... it was like a gift from my mother, I conceived a week or so after her passing... its really sad that things aren't going my way.
Things have been sad, and depressing really, like there's a black cloud hanging over our heads, I really thought it had lifted once I found out I was pregnant, but apparently not... just another thunderbolt of lightening to strike me down.
When things get a little more positive I'll come back with another update and check in on everyone else.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
April 8th at 6:44am
I rec'd a call from Sakura House to tell me that mom had passed away. May she rest in the peace I know she finally got after her long battle with cancer.
I've taken care of funeral arrangments, and will be going with them tomorrow when they take mom to be cremated. I have to puyrchase her plot as well.
I'm doing my best to stay strong for everyone, but now its time to relax and take time for me.
My God I'm going to miss calling her, hearing her voice, and listening to her complain *grin*. I love you mom, you're my hero.
That's all I got for now.
Thanx for your continued support everyone.
Much love,
TTYS
XOXO
I've taken care of funeral arrangments, and will be going with them tomorrow when they take mom to be cremated. I have to puyrchase her plot as well.
I'm doing my best to stay strong for everyone, but now its time to relax and take time for me.
My God I'm going to miss calling her, hearing her voice, and listening to her complain *grin*. I love you mom, you're my hero.
That's all I got for now.
Thanx for your continued support everyone.
Much love,
TTYS
XOXO
Monday, April 5, 2010
Just sad
Today I'm sad. I go on wednesday to the funeral home to make arrangements for mom's funeral for when she passes away. Her pain is increasing and they're giving her a morphine pump to help control the pain. She's getting confused every morning now.
Today I was the only one she would see. I went for my visit and took her outside to feel the wind in her hair. We sat outside for about 10 minutes and I helped her back to bed, it was good to get her out of her room though.
I'm so very tired and sad today. It's hard to be strong for everyone else when you are having a hard time be strong for yourself. I guess I'm entitled to a day or two like this.
Anyways, that's all I've got in me today. Hope you're all well.
TTYS
XOXO
Today I was the only one she would see. I went for my visit and took her outside to feel the wind in her hair. We sat outside for about 10 minutes and I helped her back to bed, it was good to get her out of her room though.
I'm so very tired and sad today. It's hard to be strong for everyone else when you are having a hard time be strong for yourself. I guess I'm entitled to a day or two like this.
Anyways, that's all I've got in me today. Hope you're all well.
TTYS
XOXO
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