Okay, so I'm going mental here... I can't stand waiting to get this started! Frig sakes! How long do I have to wait??? Friggin AF shows up every other time we don't want her to! Foooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooock. I'm about ready to flip out here... actually I think I am flipping out. I don't get it... I really don't. I just want to try this thing by the end of the month. I'de LOVE to have the possibility of getting a BFP by Xmas... even if it fails, I AT LEAST want a shot at this by the end of the month. FRIG.
Now I'm looking at my femara pills wondering if I'll EVER get to take them. And if I do, is the dose high enough to actually make me O? I guess I'm just having an emotional night or something, but I've about had enough of waiting. I have been waiting for 6 friggin years to get this close to our dream... WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT EVEN LONGER? And it's not like I'm waiting to test for pregnancy... what's making me crazy is I'm waiting for AF!! Is this some sick joke? Gawd!!
I was walking through the dollar store today of all places, seen the baby stuff coupled with the christmas stuff and had to choke back tears! How sad is that? THE DOLLAR STORE! Gee, you can tell your obsessing when... so that made me angry that i couldn't even enjoy the xmas stuff.
I could go on and on, but I won't. I'm gunna head off for the night. ttyl
Monday, November 12, 2007
Empty Arms
So I was just going through one of my message boards and some posted a link to tearsandhope.com , and advised us to click on "Empty Arms". I did and wanted to share as I want to send this to everyone I know, but feel guilty for sending it... but every word of it is so true. I cried through the entire thing. They did a great job getting the message across about infertility. So share it if you'd like...
Yep, still waiting..
I'm still waiting for AF...
Had a good weekend. Got to see our puppy, she's doing good and had lots of kisses for her mommy *grins*. I can't wait to get her home.
DH and I also got some things for the house like plastic for the windows for the winter, some protective spray for our dining rm table set, it's mostly done but I ran out of paint so I'll pick more up this week to finish it off. I'll post a pick to show ya's how it looks.
It's my bday coming up this sunday. I got a gift from a friend early, its a cute gift. A wish book, you write your wish in it and apparently the book has a spell on it to make the wish come true. lol She smiled at me and said "I figured you could use that right about now!" we laughed. Its cool lol.
I'm having some friends over to paint the guest/nursery rm this friday, then off to karaoke. It'll be nice to have my close friends around. I'll be 32 so its kinda depressing.
All I really want for my birthday is to get this damn ball rolling, grrrrrr. Come on birthday faries... make my wish come true.
Take care for now ladies!
Had a good weekend. Got to see our puppy, she's doing good and had lots of kisses for her mommy *grins*. I can't wait to get her home.
DH and I also got some things for the house like plastic for the windows for the winter, some protective spray for our dining rm table set, it's mostly done but I ran out of paint so I'll pick more up this week to finish it off. I'll post a pick to show ya's how it looks.
It's my bday coming up this sunday. I got a gift from a friend early, its a cute gift. A wish book, you write your wish in it and apparently the book has a spell on it to make the wish come true. lol She smiled at me and said "I figured you could use that right about now!" we laughed. Its cool lol.
I'm having some friends over to paint the guest/nursery rm this friday, then off to karaoke. It'll be nice to have my close friends around. I'll be 32 so its kinda depressing.
All I really want for my birthday is to get this damn ball rolling, grrrrrr. Come on birthday faries... make my wish come true.
Take care for now ladies!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
soooo...
I did some checking and it looks like provera can take upto 2 weeks before it kicks in *grumble grumble*.
On to better things...
David and I watched Mr. Brooks tonight, excellent movie! Two thumbs up from both of u! Should definatley check it out if you haven't already.
Well, I think that's all that's new...
Oh wait! I GOT A $1 raise at work!!! Yay me! lol. They said it was because I'm consitant and am always keeping things positive and helping everyone else stay positive. Its nice to be recognized for hard work for a change. I unfortunately can't post this anywhere else as people from work are attatched to my facebook and such, and it may cause some not so positive feelings lol. But I am happy, it feels good. I've never gotten that much of a raise before.
Well, I'm off for a hot shower to relax my nerves. Take care ya'll!
On to better things...
David and I watched Mr. Brooks tonight, excellent movie! Two thumbs up from both of u! Should definatley check it out if you haven't already.
Well, I think that's all that's new...
Oh wait! I GOT A $1 raise at work!!! Yay me! lol. They said it was because I'm consitant and am always keeping things positive and helping everyone else stay positive. Its nice to be recognized for hard work for a change. I unfortunately can't post this anywhere else as people from work are attatched to my facebook and such, and it may cause some not so positive feelings lol. But I am happy, it feels good. I've never gotten that much of a raise before.
Well, I'm off for a hot shower to relax my nerves. Take care ya'll!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
still waiting...
And that's all I have to say about that! GRRRRRRRRRRRR (I am truly dispointed thus far).
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
Thankyou kindly ladies for the links and support. I appreciate it!
Today I am feeling a little angry because my period hasn't come yet and I have no more provera to take, I hope AF shows soon... now there's something you don't hear very often. I am anxiously waiting to get thisjourney started... AND SHE ISN'T HERE YET! GRRRR! I'm looking at the callender and I want to be able to test prior to my family xmas on dec 22nd, but if AF don't show up in the next week I don't think that'll happen... I have that little glimmer of hope that we'll be able to make the 'big announcement'... we may not be able too, but still I can hope. Our families deserve a good christmas wish, we've all been thru our own hell with deaths and accidents and illnesses... we're due for some really GREAT news.
Speaking of which, we get our new puppy on december 1st, although I may try to talk her into letting us bring her home the night prior so we have the entire weekend with her before we start the work schedule. Anyways, i've included a pic of her...
The lady we're buying her from posted it on her facebook and the caption said 'Look at Gypsy waving at her mommy"or something like that, so I thought it was extra special cause I'll be her new mommy lol.
Today I am feeling a little angry because my period hasn't come yet and I have no more provera to take, I hope AF shows soon... now there's something you don't hear very often. I am anxiously waiting to get thisjourney started... AND SHE ISN'T HERE YET! GRRRR! I'm looking at the callender and I want to be able to test prior to my family xmas on dec 22nd, but if AF don't show up in the next week I don't think that'll happen... I have that little glimmer of hope that we'll be able to make the 'big announcement'... we may not be able too, but still I can hope. Our families deserve a good christmas wish, we've all been thru our own hell with deaths and accidents and illnesses... we're due for some really GREAT news.
Speaking of which, we get our new puppy on december 1st, although I may try to talk her into letting us bring her home the night prior so we have the entire weekend with her before we start the work schedule. Anyways, i've included a pic of her...
The lady we're buying her from posted it on her facebook and the caption said 'Look at Gypsy waving at her mommy"or something like that, so I thought it was extra special cause I'll be her new mommy lol.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
fear and anxiety
Well, the fear and anxiety are already starting, so is the negativity.
Fear & Anxiety = I'm afraid the the entire experience, or embarassed might be a better word. I am still waiting for AF to show, I am on day 4 with provera, hoping it'll kick in so I can get started then get the embarassing part over with. I also don't know if any of this is going to hurt, what side effects I'm going to have, and how I'm going to stay emotionally/mentally with it for the 2ww if all the numbers are good...
I have scowered google looking or online chats and personal experiences with IUI's... how the women who have been thru it felt during the entire experience but haven't found all that much so I'm dispointed... I'm probably not searching the right way. If you have any links, or suggestions for me please let me know.
Fertilizeme, reading your posts have helped a lot, so thanx for that!
I have joined a half a dozen new message boards, but am still not finding actual experiences, just successes and failures. That info is good to know, but I want to read about personal experiences, I am one of those people who need to know what to expect... I'm freaking out a little... nerves are all frigged up. I need to find people who have been on familiar ground...
I'm so scared of failure, so much failure in the last 6 yrs that it seems so inevitable... even now with my chances of becoming pregnant increasing by 13.5%. It's hard to stay positive when you don't want to work yourself up for 'the failure'at the end... but I want to anjoy the experience and take in every moment (I guess I am LOL). I want to be happy, and sometimes when I think about it... and that it may actually work I get a moment of bliss, then the negative thoughts start creeping in again.
I just really need to connect with other women who have been thru an IUI before... I know the proceedure isn't that big of a deal really, mostly embarassment, but still... what does it feel like? Does it hurt? What was femara like? How did ya get thru the 2ww. I guess I'll continue on looking for posts and such...
Nervously yours,
my.herstory
Fear & Anxiety = I'm afraid the the entire experience, or embarassed might be a better word. I am still waiting for AF to show, I am on day 4 with provera, hoping it'll kick in so I can get started then get the embarassing part over with. I also don't know if any of this is going to hurt, what side effects I'm going to have, and how I'm going to stay emotionally/mentally with it for the 2ww if all the numbers are good...
I have scowered google looking or online chats and personal experiences with IUI's... how the women who have been thru it felt during the entire experience but haven't found all that much so I'm dispointed... I'm probably not searching the right way. If you have any links, or suggestions for me please let me know.
Fertilizeme, reading your posts have helped a lot, so thanx for that!
I have joined a half a dozen new message boards, but am still not finding actual experiences, just successes and failures. That info is good to know, but I want to read about personal experiences, I am one of those people who need to know what to expect... I'm freaking out a little... nerves are all frigged up. I need to find people who have been on familiar ground...
I'm so scared of failure, so much failure in the last 6 yrs that it seems so inevitable... even now with my chances of becoming pregnant increasing by 13.5%. It's hard to stay positive when you don't want to work yourself up for 'the failure'at the end... but I want to anjoy the experience and take in every moment (I guess I am LOL). I want to be happy, and sometimes when I think about it... and that it may actually work I get a moment of bliss, then the negative thoughts start creeping in again.
I just really need to connect with other women who have been thru an IUI before... I know the proceedure isn't that big of a deal really, mostly embarassment, but still... what does it feel like? Does it hurt? What was femara like? How did ya get thru the 2ww. I guess I'll continue on looking for posts and such...
Nervously yours,
my.herstory
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