So there are times that I am totally just beyond any happy emotions at all. Today I put laundry in, which is in the basement and I have to walk past the cat littler to get to it. Well, I have been after David to do the cat litter and today it was so full of piss and shit that the cats had started shitting under the table down there and in the laundry room. So I went ahead and changed one of the cat litters.... mopped the floor, scrubbed all the stains up. This was after working all day, coming home and cooking supper. I am not supossed to change the cat littler, he knows this. Why is it so hard for him to do ONE simple fucking task??? I'm sooo upset, angry and disapointed. Like he doesn't even care enough to change the fucking cat litter... that's how it feels anyways. Not only that, but there were like 4 garbage bags of previous cat little piled under the table, and like 3 old cat litter boxes that had been filled with used litter, which he hadn't brought up and outside. He fucking collects it. And last week... just last week I told him to make sure he brought the cat little up and outside with him because Dougs apartment is down there and it must smell. He said, yep yep I will... Well he didn't even bother doing that for god sake! Like what the hell is his problem? So I also carried 4 bags of that upstairs. Now I know I can't carry the boxes so I'm not even gunna try.
Then I always end up being the bitch, or the one he's angry with. Fuckin' can't win for losing around here.
Ya know, he stays up until 2:30am on work nights watching movies and playing games online. I've been at him for years, not over exagerating... YEARS to go through the piles and garbage bags full of clothes he doesn't use or that are ruined anyways and throw stuff out that he doesn't use. He gets to certain point and stops, EVERYTIME. There are still piles of his clothes everywhere. OMG.
I think of the baby growing inside me and I am so disapointed because like I can't be happy. All I can think of is how much work life is going to be when he/she gets here and I'm the only one doing everything.
I feel like my life is shit. I'm angry because I've wanted to feel happy about this baby, and I can't seem to feel happy... about anything actually. It would be nice o shar this experience with someone who actually honestly gave a damn. Most days I float along. I miss my mom a lot, especially right now.
I really want to curl up into a ball and cry right now. Might actually just do that.
TTYS
XOXO
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